BRAVE HEART

Today, i watched me take the blame for something that was entirely not my design. Someone's got to be blamed. And as always, i took the fall. My heart bled. My heart raced. Could it really be my fault?? And if Yes, how do I remedy such dire situation? 

I'm in shock!!! 

The Coast is clear now, once again I'm not to blame. Not my design. Not my fault. But as always, No apologies given. But i am Happy. It wasn't me.

But my heart still bleeds, watching you break into sweat. I see your despair, i sense your fear. I hear your mind saying, how could this be?? I see you frantically seeking answers from those who were to protect you. Amidst all the existing troubles, the storm is raging relentlessly all around. You are strong, you've shown great strength, but i know deep within, this is too much for one Soul.

I wanted to say, "All will be well" but even the words form weakly in my mouth, slipping thru quivering lips. 

I was unsure how you will handle this. But i have learnt from you to dust off every challenging situation with gratitude to God, looking back and counting your blessings. 

To my surprise again, i see what the Lord has indeed done.
I've watched you turn this disaster to a joke. Seen how you've worked it into a Strength. Seen how you've chosen to see only good. 

If the only reason i met you is this, then I am truly grateful for these lessons. 

LIES and BLAMES

Once upon a time in way back 1996 , when simbi was still a baby. I had prayed to God that I will be sent to Air Force Secondary School Jos, so I worked so hard to pass the Exam, and bagged a State recognized result. 

But you see, being born to typical Nigerian Parents, adding that my mum is a teacher, that decision to jet off to Jos alone @ 10 was only in my head as my parents already made the decision of which school I was going to end up in without my consent.

I was sent to the Prestigious FGGC Abuloma, where my sisters were also.  I struggled to find my feet there and stay out of trouble but somehow, trouble always found me and I kept hating each day whilst looking forward to seeing my Dad who was a regular visitor.

It was hard to find my place in a World filled with wide eyed teenagers and my first night saw me watch a senior student open my tin of milk like it belonged to her and i couldn't say a word. 

I performed badly in class as I tried to find a balance in my new environment + the fact I really wanted my parents to pull me out of that school. JSS1 was a trying time for me. 

In JS2, I performed even worse as my grades weren’t impressive judging from my World Class (Fans self) performance from Primary School.  Actually, I had a lot going on in my young head. Emotionally Unstable and Unable to make sense of anything to say the least. 

My concerned mother wondered how her “Star Child” would become this less than average student.  In my innocent mind, I thought that if my grades remained poor,  that my Loving Mother will be convinced to pull me out of that school or even make me a day student so she can keep an eye on me. (LOL, Aba to Ph na beans?)

And then she confronted me, but as a Sharp girl,  I passed the blame.

I wanted to save my head so badly that I made reference to a class mate who bore same name as me and whose surname also began with same letter as mine. I told my mum that my Form teacher mixes my scores with that of this girl. I kept making these stupid excuses about my poor performance that by the end of JS2, my mum slammed me with a shocker.

Nne as can you see, your performance is nothing to write home about.

Me: happy that my wish may be granted and I get to go to a new school (my dream school, Air Force, Jos).

So I have decided that you will repeat the class, so that you can pick up and No, you are not changing schools, but will remain in the same school.

Me: But Mum you can’t do that. I mean it’s not my fault. My Form Teacher…….

Well, that’s the decision, so gear up for the next school year.

I spent my Long Vacation in Agony. I studied harder. Tried to convince my mum why she shouldn’t let me repeat a class talkless in the same school. 

Ah Ah... The Shame, The Pain, Kai!!!!!

Thinking back now, i really feel like i should apologize to this girl who i painted black to save my failing behind. lol.