Friday, April 29, 2016

I AM ANGRY

Change they say is the only constant thing in Life. Be it anticipated Change or Instant Change, pray your “change” doesn’t come with pain.

Like the woman who has had 6 successful births, and then the 7th one took her life. How do you explain this Instant Change to her family?

Or the Woman who had waited 10years to conceive, carried her baby to term, only to lose the child upon delivery. How do you explain this instant change?

Once upon a time in 2010, I wrote about my trip to the dentist (Read here ). It was an impacted wisdom tooth and the dentist somehow took out the tooth (non-surgical). I remember I still bled for about a week or more and was in pain. And I swore never to go through this again.

 As much as i thought i was in pain back then, what i have experienced now, if far worse than what i had then.

April 2016, presented me with a mind blowing ache on my Wisdom tooth on the Left side. Yes it was impacted, lying horizontally. Because of the experience from the last extraction, I decided that I was going to use a Government Hospital this time, and that’s how I got to National Hospital on Friday the 8th. I couldn’t get an appointment because it was late and was asked to come on Monday.  

Friday night became a nightmare, so much that at 4am I was calling the hospital for emergency but being that Saturday the 9th was Election Day and no movement, I felt so helpless. I frantically started calling different hospitals and got the response of my Life “OUR DENTIST DOESN’T WORK TODAY”.

 In my pain and discomfort, I made calls to friends for referrals etc, I got one in my Estate but getting there, the Dentist wasn’t in town. Spoke with him on the Phone and he asked that I get some pain relief and anti-biotics.

Not Satisfied, I went further till I found a private clinic in my estate and I started calling the number but no one answered. Then luckily, the security man came out and I explained myself to him and he called the Doctor, and voila!!! Help was on the way. 

My Joy was short lived as a lady who appeared to be the secretary came in and I heard her grammar as she was talking with the security guy, next thing she goes inside and changed into her nursing uniform. I told myself that I’m in the wrong place.

Few minutes later, the dentist arrived, and I explained myself to him. He said to me, yea I can do this, but you need to get our card N5, 000, then Consultation N10, 000, and because it is a surgical extraction, It will cost you N50, 000. Then I thought to myself, Babe!!!!!

I was desperate, I was in pain. I was losing my mind.

Then the Dentist that asked me to get the medication called again, he said, don’t take that tooth out until that pain is managed else you may have even bigger problems. 


In my desperation, I got another referral in Garki. Spoke with the guy, and he said, oh you can come. I was happy. But how do I get there since there wasn’t any movement??

I called a friend, who took the risk and came to my rescue, but before he got to me, my uncle called and said I shouldn’t go just anywhere but to go back to National Hospital.  And that was how I made it back to National Hospital and it was still same Advice. “We have to manage this pain” before we can think about the extraction. I was given same prescription as the other dentist did and if by Monday there’s no improvement, then I should come back, but without guarantee that I will be attended to as Monday is their Theater Day. With this now, I went home and commenced Medication. 

But the Pain medication wasn’t helping at all. From Diclofenac, to Zerodol P (Aceclofenac + Paracetamol), to Ibuprofen + Paracetamol, nothing could soothe my pain. So on Monday, I went back to the Hospital. After the examination, I got an xray done, and was asked to wait, in hope that when the surgeons come out from the theater on time, then I might be in luck. Spent my whole day and was told to come back the next day.  And I was told that even though I’ve been booked for Tuesday that it is not a guarantee as it is their “CLINIC Day”. So until they have finished with their patients they had worked on previously, No help for me.

I cried all the way home. But Tuesday Morning, I got there and refused to be let down. By afternoon, One of the nurses called me in and said, you can’t continue waiting, you have to go and come back tomorrow as we can’t attend to you today. I burst out in tears.  Then the nurse who took my folder on Monday, came to me and asked me not to go, that she will get them to see me today. I was happy again.

Finally, my time came. I got called in. and it was show time.
As my jaw dropped open for the local anesthetic to be administered, memories of the time past flooded my consciousness. I cried hysterically and the Surgeons were confused. They asked if I wasn’t ready for this that they could stop at this point. 

I managed to muster, go ahead.   I watched as he put the surgical blade in my mouth and cut. At this point, I shut my eyes. To dislodge the tooth was a lot of work as it took well over an hour and the help of the consultant surgeon before my ordeal was over. Of course I got another shot of the Local anesthetic because at some point I could feel every tug and pull.

1 hour later, I was discharged and ready to go home. But as the local anesthetic wore off, I was in mad pain. I took the ibuprofen + paracetamol every 6 hrs but yet, it was a Joke.

I prayed as much as I could for strength each passing minute. By late evening, I was still bleeding, and I had to bite down on a gauze. I had difficulty swallowing and I couldn’t even eat anything.

Days later, with the pain partly reduced, I discovered I couldn’t open my mouth enough for a spoon to go in. I knew that wasn’t right, and I called the Dentist. I went back on Saturday and was prescribed another antibiotics and different pain medication.

My next appointment for Tuesday was for the stitches to come off. But getting there, i couldn't open up wide enough for them to see anything and we ended up doing Jaw Exercise where wooden spatula's were stacked and forced into my mouth to unlock my jaw. After the session, i was asked to go home and continue with the exercise and come back on Friday. 

 I knew this was no joke as i was hell bent on getting my jaw to open up or else i would have to endure another surgery as i was told. So i did all i could and by Friday, i could open up much more and the stitches came off. 

On Monday, i felt some needle like pain as i open and close my mouth. I immediately knew something wasn't right. I opened my mouth wide enough and looking through my mirror, i spotted a little white piece of bone that was causing the discomfort. I immediately called one of the Doctors who i've been in touch with since my ordeal started to complain and he said, its unlikely to be a Bone as the Bone in the area was taken off during Surgery, but i should watch it a few days but if i was that uncomfortable that i should come back for a review.

By Thursday, no change, and now in more pain, i booked an appointment for Friday. 

I got to the hospital today, and was sent for an Xray, it came back that Truly, that what i saw and felt was indeed What it was. There was a piece of Bone in my Gum. 

Fast forward, they had to numb me again as they had to irrigate the site to get the bone out. What bad news i got was that, they also suspect an onset of Osteomyelitis which they said they had to arrest ASAP. 

I'm back to the Place where i thought i had left behind "PAIN" and "MEDICATIONS". 

I am angry that they could've made such a mistake in the First Place.

I am angry that i have to be on this cocktail of medications again for the next 3 weeks.

I am angry that i have spent the whole month of April in agony

Yes i am angry at the Level of Pain i've been through which i don't deserve.

Above all, I am grateful to be Alive 


Monday, February 1, 2016

ALWAYS ASK + HAPPY NEW MONTH

Happy new month everyone. ... .....  do you see that we are already in February??? How's the new year resolution doing so far?

Well for me, its been very GOOD. That's all i can say.

Something happened in January that made me almost lose my patience. Hence i learned a new lesson "Never to assume that people know what they are doing" .

So the Inverter at work has been making this funny sound and i decided to call the people who sold and installed it for us to send their technician over to check it out.

From the first day we paid these guys for the inverter, their stories were always endless. From the delivery, to the installation etc, professionalism was ZERO. So with this new development, i was skeptical about calling them but went ahead and then .............................

The technician walked in about 10:30am touched the inverter and said it was HOT.

ME: Of course it is hot, its been on and its working. Besides i believe you know why you are here?

HIM: Yes. to service the Inverter. I will need to turn it off (disconnect) for it to cool

ME: That means we won't have light (because the NEPA / GEN lines pass thru the inverter)? And how long is this going to be off?

HIM: 30mins

ME: Ok

(after 30mins)

HIM: I need this to be off till i come back. I have to go somewhere, but i really need this machine to be off for Longer

ME: I  thought you said 30mins? So if you leave when will you be back?

HIM: By 1pm. + can i have transport?

So i gave him 1k

Anyways long story short, this guy leaves, and of course we couldn't get any work whatsoever done for the day. And by 3pm i called him and he said he will be there soon. Called severally and he stopped picking my calls.
2 hours later, he said he will be there before dark. I called the lady who we transacted the buying of the inverter from and she apologized and said she will contact him.

Finally, this idiot arrives by 6:40pm with his  stories, but of course i didn't utter a word to him. So he turns the machine back on, and says, oh, the machine is fine now. You can see the noise has stopped.

ME: Blank stare

5mins later, the noise continues and he says:

HIM: The noise is not that bad again. This Machine needs servicing

at this point, i lost it.

ME: Are you ok? did you just say the Machine needs servicing?? What did you think you came here for? You wasted my whole day and you come back here telling me the obvious?? You must be special kind of dumb. when you came in here, did i not ask you, "I BELIEVE YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE"? and you told me YES. See ehn, i am already angry and pls don't even open your mouth to tell me rubbish

HIM: Ehn, i know you are angry, i am sorry. but i will need to carry the inverter and go to the office. the problem is with the Fan and it needs to be changed. it will cost about 50k to change that.

ME: Just forget about this ok. Don't worry. You can go.

HIM: I will come tomorrow and pick it up.

ME: Better call before coming

HIM: OK. Pls can i have transport to go?

ME: Are you ok? did i not give you transport in the morning? Infact, pls do me a favour, i don't want to see you here again.

HIM: But we are not quarreling naa.

ME: The door is open, pls leave now so i can go home.




Tuesday, January 12, 2016

ITS 2016

Happy New Year to everyone reading this and i Hope your year has just started right.

Well for me, i had a great Triumphant 2015, As in i hit rock bottom, i bounced back. I went down the Pit, I came up for air. I sank beneath the waves, and i was washed up. God sure was with me in 2015 and it all turned out for my good.

So here is 2016 in all its glory and i'm just here living it out daily.

I rummaged through my things as i would normally do at the beginning of the year, and found my random writings of things i ought to have done. Some of which i did and others i attempted and just abandoned.

I was meant to round up my MBA last year. As in all that was left to do was to turn in my Project, but you see, something "nonsenstical" happened and i just gave up. My Laptop crashed and i Lost EVERYTHING. As in every document i have ever worked on in my entire existence. Every School Work. Everything was gone.

My world came crashing with that, and i honestly had no clue where to start from. I started going back to my email to recall documents i might have emailed out to people but the most important at that time for me was my MBA Project. I could only find the first 2 chapters i had emailed my friend for proof reading and i just weak. Next was my supervisor calling to threaten me about my delay with my work and i blasted the man.

Long story Short, i Must get my MBA Certificate before the end of the first half of the year. Yes, I have started work on it all over again.

Still in my rummaging through my stuff, i found a medical report that stated that my Blood group is B+ve. All of my Life, i've known that i am O+ve so i was hugely surprised. So i called my mum sharpadly (U know that's not a word,  right?) and she said that must be a mistake, there's only one B+ve in the house and it isn't you. Anyways, i've decided i have to go check my Blood group + Genotype again.

I Decided that in this 2016, i will travel more than i did last year. 2015 had me in one place from January - December. But in 2016, i will spread my wings and Soar.

So i started with Port-harcourt. I was so much in disbelief that i was in Port-harcourt International airport upon arrival. If not that i was aware that i boarded a Plane and came down from it, i would have sworn that i was in a wrong place.

Then onward Journey, i got to Bayelsa. Like Joke like Joke.  . . .  When election was going on and people were scared, that's how i went to Bayelsa. You see ehn, that Place na Nonsense town. If you ever plan to visit that state in the name that you are going to have Fun, Pls its better for you to go to ABA.

I've come to realize that i always travel to troubled places at odd times. The other time i went to Kano shortly after a Bomb blast.

Next trip is Accra in the First week of February and i'm excited.

I Promised myself i will take one picture a day throughout this year, and so far, i've missed one day and today, but after now i will take one anyhow cuz today ehn has been ghen ghen.

The good news of this year is un-explainable. So far its been testimonies and so shall it continue, AMEN.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ONCE AGAIN. Make the most of the Year 2016


Wednesday, December 30, 2015

RANDOM NOTHINGS

2015 is done...... as in one more day to go ....  As in today is the Last Wednesday, and 2moro is the Last Thursday....... Kimonnnnnnn *moonwalks*

We go into a new year with TGIF..... hehehehehehehehehe........ What a good way to start the new year abi????

So in 2015, i've been called names by guys that i thought both cute and funny......

1. Mummy - this is the worst of it all.... 

2. Aunty - Second worst...... 

3. My Little Woman - This i think is damn so cute 

4. My Future - Holy Cuteness

5. Sweetness - Oh well, i'm sweet Yeah..... bleh

6. Baby - this is as old as time

but in all these cute names, we got to straighten things up and out in 2016 becuz.....

7. Daddy needs a new In-Law *winks*
                                           

Yet again today, same thing that happened to me years ago http://fragilelooks.blogspot.com.ng/2009/11/i-don-fall-my-hand.html , happened again today but thankfully, it was a female Doctor this time around, so NO SHAME.

*TONGUEOUT*

Someone sent me a message that had my attention, and the sincerity in that message had me humbled. Will just drop it here..... :D 

Hey Fragile ,  
Very soon your BBM & inboxes will be inundated with messages from all who seek your attention & even a few who aren't seeking but feel duty bound or lets say, 'courteous enough' to send you the customary Christmas cheer & you will find it tiring to actually read through all the messages & respond appropriately.  
So before that madness drowns out my voice, I wanna take this opportunity to say, you may not know this as a hard fact but you truly added color to my life experience in 2015. 'Meeting' & getting to know you has been not just pleasant but also educating, sometimes inspiring, exasperating (a lot of the time), many times, challenging (in a very good way), but altogether enriching.
And for all these, I can pray (wish) with a depth in my soul, that in this season, you will find peace that boggles the mind, inexplicable favour with God & with man, joy unspeakable with loads of laughter, and the warmth & contentment of being surrounded by love from family & friends.  
Merry Christmas Fragile. 
Your 2016 experience will be filled with so much fulfillment that the downtimes of 2015 will be a distant memory. You are a phenomenal woman. I know you know this but sometimes question it because of some experiences. That's called life & the fact that you actually question the veracity of your awesomeness is what keeps you humble & makes it so.  
This was supposed to be an early Christmas message & is now bordering on a motivational pep talk so imma stop here. =-d

Last Christmas, i swam in gifts, all thanks to my Cousin who made sure i got it all :D ...... Family is sure the best....

This Christmas, Santa forgot my address totally...... Choi.......... but i got a Lovely dress and a Perfume tho. So i am Super Grateful.

So i worried that spending Christmas away from family will be so Horrible that i will Loathe myself + i heard the Town usually is very Dry as lots of people travel.... I even had a panic attack when most of my friends traveled, but truth be told, this has been like every other day and i don't even see the difference. And this is my First Christmas away from Home (Family).

So i have told myself that come 2016, i will take a Picture for each day of the year. I hope i remember to do that.

AND I WILL



What will you be doing on the Last day of 2015??????????????

Well, for me, My Fasting and Praying Continues and Crown it up with the Cross -Over Service in Church.

I FINISHED 

                                       

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

2015

So the year is slowly creeping to an end and i still remember what happened from the beginning....

January 1st we were in church for a thanksgiving service for my Brother who God has destined that he will live.

January 3rd / 4th, we had that orishirishi drama where my father's sisters as usual came with their foolishness but this time, they got something different.

January 8th, i was back to base and work began.

February 14th, yet again, i had no "valentine" twenty something years in a row.... (Don't cry for me)

February 18th i welcomed my first Baby Boy in 2015 ......

March ............................

April 17th, i welcomed yet another Baby Boy.......................

May......................................

June........................................

July 1st, i Welcomed yet another Baby Boy...................

August.........................................

September, for the first time in my existence, i had a boil in my eye..... That shit had me in pain.

October 1st, i got a year Older.
New friendships were formed.
Some Old friendships reviewed and re-positioned.


November 19th, i welcomed yet another Baby boy

November 22 - 29th, for the 2nd time in my life, i had a withlow............. Nasty stuff :(

November 27th, i Welcomed a Baby Girl

Dec 1st: i wrote a blog post

Dec 11th, work closed officially

Dec 15th, i taught my first class of foundation school


Infact, 2015 has been such a wonderful year that i cant even recount how many times i almost gave up on me.
The pressures were real.
The temptations were realest.
The tears flowed freely. 

But i've managed to stand still, look at my problems and Laugh through my Pain.

But in general, i will say:


  • 2015 is my year of Cute Nephews 

  • 2015, i had better understanding and communication with my Dad.

  • 2015, i understood the power of my silence. 

  • 2015, i learned that i am stronger than i think i am

  • 2015, i made a decision not to allow anyone's opinion of me, make any meaning

  • 2015, Procrastination almost ruined me

  • 2015, even though i'm still single, i know that i'm willing to share my time and energy

  • 2015, i made some new friends

  • 2015, i struggled with my faith

  • 2015, i didn't even leave this City

  • 2015, I'm prepared for 2016



Tuesday, December 1, 2015

EMERGING STRONGER

Just because my mind failed to process these thoughts constructively, i wallowed in my own tears and almost gave into depression..... DEPRESSION!! Naa.... Never again in my life

Dear Fragile, its been tough, but you have dealt with worse REMEMBER????

See how the devil Wanted to rob you off your Joy.... haba!!!

These days, its become so easy to forget the way i've managed to beat all odds over the years and pull out even stronger than i began. Why???? Mba kwa, this is not the Fragile i used to know.

Fragile, you have changed over the years. You've become too emotional. You allow things get to you so easily these days. Its being Human.... I Know.

So this is me, once again reminding myself that 
  • I am still stronger than all these emotions trying to wreck me
  • I have at some point in life been without direction and resources, but i made it
  • I am still very smart despite some poor decisions i made
  • I have the ability to be better than my yesterday
  • Shying away from certain responsibilities doesn't make me Irresponsible
  • My needs and wants are never to be mixed up again
  • I have the greatest support system in family
  • I should never place priority on people / things above myself
  • If i smell a rat, its most definitely a RAT
  • Feeling sorry for mistakes made shouldn't be for long
  • Catching feelings for a moving train is Death

That being said, HAPPY NEW MONTH EVERYONE. 

Monday, November 30, 2015

TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL

I'm in a very Narrow Space crowded with my emotions seeping deep . 

LOVE, HATE, ANGER, RESENTMENT, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, ........................................

Sometimes i just want it all to end. Sometimes i'm too tired to think straight.

Sometimes i want to give into these pressures, but to what end though?

Every new day comes with its Challenge, Like it just Pours...

Today was a death; Then depression; Then no zeal to even try; Then the quitting Option

The pressures are real, even more real the confusion in my head



Sometimes all we need is that One friend who tries to help you make sense of it all. The one who gives you a listening ear and let you cry on their shoulders. Today like always, my best friend helped me make sense of my state of mind. 

#Grateful