I DON FALL MY HAND

HAVE U EVER FELT WHITE FACED AND WISHED THAT THE GROUND COULD JUST SWALLOW U UP?
THAT WAS ME,WITH THE GYNAECOLOGIST. DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DID I EVEN GO THERE? SERIOUSLY, I DID FALL MY HAND.

I LAY FLAT ON MY BACK WITH MY LEGS PROPPED UP ON HIS EXAMINING TABLE, MY MIND A MILLION MILES AWAY AND WISHING I COULD JUST BE SEDATED ONLY TO WAKE UP ON MY OWN BED.

READY AND STEADY NOW, HIS SLENDER MASCULINE FINGERS NOW MASKED IN GLOVES TWITCHED AS HE WAS READY TO WORK. AND SUDDENLY HE DISAPPEARS TO THE DEPTH BELOW. AT THIS POINT, MY DEAR PEOPLE OF BLOGSVILLE, I CLAMMED UP.

DOC: RELAX
ME: OK.

AS MUCH AS I TRIED,I COULDN'T. ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT HE WAS PEEPING LET ALONE THE POKING.

DOC: RELAX
ME: OK

STILL NOT WORKING. THE DOC GETTING IMPATIENT WITH ME, GOES AGAIN

DOC: RELAX
ME: OK, I'M NOT SURE I CAN GO TRU WITH THIS.

KAI, BUT I'VE COME THIS FAR.........
WELL SHA, I RESIGNED MYSELF TO FATE. I SHUT MY MIND OUT AND LET HIM GET TO WORK.

I COME FALL MY HAND WHEN I LET OUT A MOAN. WAS THE GUY WORKING OR GIVING ME SOME . . . . . .? IHE NKEA SEF?(THIS KAIN THING). I JUST COULDN'T WAIT TO GET LOST FROM THAT PLACE.
NA CURIOUSTY KILL THIS CAT(ME).MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

FOR THE MUSE

I JUST COULDN’T HELP THE THOUGHTS TODAY.
THE MUSE I LOVED AND CHERISH EACH DAY.
HE BROUGHT ME SMILES ON THIS FACE I FROWNED.
I’M STILL ALL SMILES, WITH EACH NEW LINE.
THE TIMES WE HAD, WAS NOT ALL BAD.
THE BAD WE FOUGHT, I LEARNT A LOT.
THE LOT I LEARNED HELPED SHAPE MY MIND.
BUT TRUTH BE TOLD, YOU CUT ME COLD.
I FOUGHT TO BE, AND NOW I’M GROWN.
I FEAR NO MORE, MY TEARS ALL GONE.
I BEAM WITH SMILES, AND I KNOW U WAS RIGHT.
YOU HAD TO LEAVE, AND NO MORE LIES.


With just a few days before i move, i decided to check in with my cardiologist cuz i've been having some palpitations. here's our conversation:

DOC: HOW HAVE U BEEN?
ME: GOOD, XCEPT FOR SOME SKIPPING HEARTBEAT.
D: OK.ARE U TENSED WHEN IT HAPPENS?
M: I DUNNO. JUST FEEL LIGHTHEADED.
D:ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT ANYTHING?
M:NOPE.(DATS A LIE).
D: ARE U ON UR PERIOD?
M: NOPE
D: WHEN IS IT DUE?
M:SOME DAYS AGO.
D: wit a raised eye brow///// WHEN LAST DID YOU HAVE SEX?
M: ???????????????????
D: D'U HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
M:?????????????????????????
D: TAKE OFF UR SHIRT AND BRA SO I CAN LISTEN TO UR CHEST.
AT THIS POINT, MY PALPITATIONS CAME BACK. IT ALWAYS HAPPENS WEN I HAVE TO SHOW MY BOOBIES.

NEWAYS AFTER THE CHECK, I WAS SENT FOR AN ECG.and it came back clear.
D:WHAT ARE YOU MOST SCARED OF?
M: BEING ALONE.
So he tried to psyche me, and yeah he did a mighty good job.

D: YOU ARE JUST A LIVING ANXIETY BOX.
M: LIKE I DIN'T KNOW.

HE TALKED ABOUT THE DANGERS OF MY EVER ANXIOUS STATE, AND MY NEED TO RELAX MY MIND. AND AS FOR MY FEAR, I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ESPECIALLY NOW THAT I'M GOING AWAY.
M: OK.

D: SORRY, BUT PERMIT ME TO ASK!!!! Y DON'T YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
M: TAKING A BREAK FROM THERE.
D: THAT CAN HELP, U KNOW?
M: OK. THANK YOU SIR, AND I TAKE MY LEAVE.

DO YOU KNOW THAT ANXIETY CAN HOLD BACK YOUR PERIOD i.e IF U ARE SURE U ARE NOT PREGGY???? I LEARNT A LOT FROM THAT SESSION.

IF I HAD THOT SHOWING MY BOOBIES WAS SUCH A BIG DEAL, HERE COMES THE GYNAECOLOGIST( BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE).

THE LIFE OF MALE DOCTORS.

JUST A POEM.

Thru the dessert plains of my loveless life.
To the dusty plains of my over reactive imagination.
I'm borne on the wings of beautiful Verses.
Of how bitter sweet some memories can be.

From the dusk of my long endless days.
To the dawn of this beautiful new me.
I'm borne on the wings of more beautiful Verses.
Of how Sweet,Love can truly be.

I'm on a high, served with love on a silver platter.
I strut now, on the Golden Threads of our Love.
Carefully woven into thin fabrics of words.
I'm borne on the wings of more beautiful Verses.
Each, an expression of my true character, JUST IN LOVE.

Gone are my old ideas of Love..
Fresh with this new break of dawn.
I'm borne on the wings of the most beautiful Verses.
BITTER SWEET MEMORIES DISPLACED,.... EVERGREEN MEMORIES,... ,I LIVE ON.


i like my lil poem. kinda the best i've pened down recently.

neways, babysitting just makes you feel guilty when you have to leave those sweet little things behind.
So i couldn't leave afterall nor could i let my mum go on an emergency leave. so i stayed behind......... U SEE....I'M NICE. YEAH DAT NICE. WATEVA.

SOME MONTHS AGO, I TOOK AN EXAMINATION I NEVER THOT I'LD PASS. U KNOW THAT FEELING OF "THIS AINT RIGHT". SO SOME WEEKS TO THE EXAM, I CALLED HOME WITH THE EXCUSE OF SKIPPING THE EXAM... BLA BLA BLA(MORE LIKE XCUSE FOR FAILING AN EXAM I HADN'T WRITTEN). SO I GOT ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT AND SAT FOR THE EXAM I NEVER DID PREPARE MUCH FOR.
SOME DAYS AGO, I CHECKED THE RESULT AND I PASSED.............YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I PASSED THE EXAM. CONGRATULATIONSSSSS..... IF NO BE GOD............ I LOVE HIM SO.
HE'S KNOWS HOW TO PERFECT THINGS FOR HIS OWN.

FOR SOME REASONS I'M GLAD I DIDN'T TAKE MY SUPPOSED TRIP THIS WEEKEND.SO TO MY TRIPLE DELIGHT, MY GRAND AUNT FIXED MY ACCOMODATION PROBLEMS FOR ANOTHER LOCATION( OH, I LOVE HER SO), I GET AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE USAID AND UNDP OFFICE, AND MY CHANCE TO LIVE ALL BY MYSELF AGAIN. DON'T I JUST LOVE GOD.

HAPPY WEEKEND TO ALL MY PEEPS LIVING THEIR DREAM.

A LIL RANT.

Now i know that being a mum aint a fancy job afterall.

here's my story and the reason i haven't been here or anywhere in a while.........

I am a very nice girl, that explains why i'm putting 3 weeks of my precious time on hold to become a full time mother of 3.
to forefeit my lessonns(french and spanish), getting away from home a whyle to my new environ and personal project. U see, i'm that nice to do away with all these to be helpful to YOU and yet u don't appreciate.
I hate to half way tru with wot i've started if not, i wuld ave just abandoned these kids without a wink and live my life.

I am ranting here cuz my sis since her being around seems to be suffering from partial memory loss(i'm sorry if u read this sis). she's started to piss me off wif all her complaints.(i'm allergic to this, don't want mosquitoe bites on the kids) all her oohs and aahs are just irritating me. have you 4 gotten how we lived thru these bites AND NO ALLERGIES and nufn happened? abeg jo enof is enof.
wakey wakey, u r back home so please fine tune ur FEELERS to recieve naija how u left it or even worse.

I'M A WEEK PLUS INTO MY JOB AS A FULL TIME MUM as my sis is away in Niger state for her NYSC. TO make my job lighter, wen she left, my folks decided to move the kids over to our house which is not a distance to diers. YEAH, HELL BROKE LOOSE WHEN SHE LEARNT THAT HER SON GOT BITES(MOSQUITOES) AND she rants of how uncaring i've been. please do u expect me to celotape the boys whole body???????

SO FINALLY,SHE AND HUBBY DECIDES TO MOVE THE KIDS BACK TO THEIR HOME, THERBY DOUBLING MY JOB CUZ AT HOME GOT AN XTRA HAND WITH MY MUM.
I FRANKLY DO NOT LIKE THIS.............. BUT I'M NICE AND THAT SAYS IT ALL.

I'm quitting this job next week that means mum has to go on LEAVE to take over. i've got somethings to pursue and seriously, no looking back.


HERE'S A LIL WATEVA I PENED DOWM SOME DAYS AGO...................

EFFORTLESSLY I HEED THE CALL.
EVEN THE MONSTER IN ME COULDN'T WAIT TO EXPLODE.
WITHOUT A TINY BIT OF GUILT IN ME,
I'M ON RAGE AS MY SADNESS DEEPENS.

WHO DO I FIGHT FOR THING NOT DONE RIGHT?

WHO DO I SLAY FOR THE HALF TRUTH TOLD?

WHERE LIES MY STRENGTH????????

IN MY FIST OR MY GUN?

IN MY BOW OR ITS SLENDER ARROW??

IN MY SLING OR MY SHOT???

I HAVE NO POWER OF MY OWN.
FOR I WAS NOT BORN WITH A HEART OF STONE.
SO, GONE IS THE WAR THAT BEGAN IN ME,
AND BACK IS THE PEACE THAT LIES WITHIN.

I AM A LOVER OF PEACE AND A HATER OF WAR.
I AM AT EASE WHEN MY WORLD IS AT PEACE.

6/11/09 (5pm)

I am born today,
and could live a hundred years.

I am born today,
and could die a million deaths.

I am born,for reasons yet to unfold.

I won't leave,without a story untold.

Though life may be bitter sweet,
with these adventures i seek.

I rest not with ease,
but let my mind wander in peace.

I speak not of things i'v seen.
For the answers lie deep within my sleep.

I am a child,born into this world of sin.
I am my father's child, yet for the world to see.