TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL

I'm in a very Narrow Space crowded with my emotions seeping deep . 

LOVE, HATE, ANGER, RESENTMENT, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, ........................................

Sometimes i just want it all to end. Sometimes i'm too tired to think straight.

Sometimes i want to give into these pressures, but to what end though?

Every new day comes with its Challenge, Like it just Pours...

Today was a death; Then depression; Then no zeal to even try; Then the quitting Option

The pressures are real, even more real the confusion in my head

Sometimes all we need is that One friend who tries to help you make sense of it all. The one who gives you a listening ear and let you cry on their shoulders. Today like always, my best friend helped me make sense of my state of mind. 

#Grateful 

NO SHAME IN NAKEDNESS??????

No Shame in Nudity is the new world thing abi??? I mean its normal to walk around with little or nothing left to imagine and even posting full Nudes online... Nudity is beautiful???? YES!!!!!

but not until you are among the people like me in life who have a habit of tugging at my clothing's be it long or short *insertsadface*....

I am one of those people (i know i'm not alone..... i know it :P) that will rock my clothes for different purposes.... For example, One time i wore my black top as a Skirt and using the sleeves as a bow in front and even pinned a rose on it. If i don't tell you what i've done, you will most probably not know, and so many other things i've tried with my clothes...

But this incident is about a tube gown i've had for years now which i think looks funny as a gown and thus i decided it should take the place of a skirt. I have worn this Skirt (Gown) severally without any drama's until this Day.... mhhhhhhhh.

That's how i wore my beautiful Skirt this day and noticed it was lose on me, WHY????? A sister has lost some weight again..... *sadface* but never the less and against my better judgement, i went ahead with putting it on and decided that pulling the skirt waist high, and using a belt on the top i was wearing will help keep it in place. It felt right tho and so I Moved out to start my day.

But you see eh, today had a different plan for me as it wasn't even my cloth tugging habit that Shamed me, but my weight loss and the over-confidence i had in the belt.... *weeps*

i had stepped out of the cab that took me to a meeting i was to have with someone this morning, i failed to realise that my Lovely skirt had left my waist low enough to show my butt.... and NO i wasn't even wearing a full pant....

Some boys (aboki's) had just passed me and i was wondering why they were staring as i was trying to pay the cab guy. And i even heard one say "Fine Girl".....

#SadTuesday

DO YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY??

It's beautiful how the thought of you makes me quiver and causes my heart to flutter. I remember the first time i felt this way towards another. It was pure magic, and there was no sense in telling that i wasn't captured in the whirlwind of Love and romance. I was young and un-thinking,  But Mother warned me of that...

The thoughts of you makes me quiver and causes my heart to flutter. And each time we speak, my whole being goes into our communication.

The touch of you makes me shiver, the soft touch of your hands on my skin. The gentleness in every kiss and the over-riding pleasure in every hug that leaves me longing for more. 

How much i wondered, if I'll ever feel this way again... if i'll ever let these feelings Win......

How long it took before your Hello brought me to my knees..... How long its been to get here again.

But how can i say these words, constantly jammed in my head??? How can i bare my soul without words??

Can you read my mind?? 

Can you tell my thoughts?? 

If you do, do you understand me? 

Do you feel same way?? 

I am Older and more careful, but Mother never stops to say "CAUTION". . . . Mother was there in the beginning. Mother knew my pain. Mother knew i was better than that... 

i'm here again, today in my history, my words lodged behind my throat, and my thoughts pausing at every crossroad. . . . But i think you understand, but the Question remains......

DO YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY?

SOCIAL DAMAGE

Just because my life has become such a bore and i have really become way too nice, and also become too soft for the entire world to see through and take a slice of my niceness..... but that's not the problem.

The problem really is that i have failed in so many ways to win these wars in my head. I have failed to see that the humans of the world cannot be trusted let alone be pleased. 

I have come to realize that so many of us think that "WE HAVE FRIENDS", yet in time of immediate need "WE HAVE NO FRIENDS". 

Let me tell you this story of how social media has damaged our lives. How we seek social acceptance rather than self respect. How we have so many friends and yet have no friend. How we belong to eeverybody and nobody. Its unfortunate how we have become damaged without even pausing to see the extent of our damage.

This is a story of someone who has so many friends and no friend; Who was in a situation of helplessness and  no one was around except for THIS FRIEND. In this situation still wanted to capture the moment of helplessness to share with the Many Friends on Social Media to attract Social Sympathy.

Just before the crowd in this market place called the www finishes you, take sometime to think about life before Social media. 

WHEN LOVE HAPPENS

Do you ever meet someone and become immediately convinced that they could be the one??

Well, i bet you have at some point.  And then we gradually lose our sense of reasoning. Jump right straight at the moment. Build castles in the Blue Skies. Write Love stories in the broad horizon of our hearts. We eat, Breathe, think and relieve every moment spent. 

Then gradually, we come to a realization that we should have taken it slow. We begin to see those crooked lines that appeared so perfect. We look ahead and project the future, where our "immediate the one" doesn't even fit into our lives. We sometimes hate that we didn't think it all over, but we will remember the moments and sometime smile, while hating those friends who knew but said nothing.

Well, i met Dawson on a day that all my senses took a vacation. His brilliant smile left me in a trance and his Hello left me singing "HE TOUCHED ME".... Dee as i would come to call him was all shades of cute and i knew that my senses won't be back from its vacation for a long time. We talked a little and exchanged numbers and parted ways.

We talked daily henceforth, had random dates and everything about us seemed all perfect. I couldn't believe that i would come to have this whole package of awesomeness who always found a way to feed my expectations of him. He was gentle, He was Fun, He had and air of excellence around him. He was Open, fearless and great all round. I mused of how Loving our home will be if we remained happily ever after. I thought about how amazing our kids would be and what a great father he will turn out to be.

We both knew about our daily lives. We ran our days to do list by each other and always followed up to know progress. If this isn't Love then, i really don't know.

My Dee is the King of friends, Male and Female alike. He is Loved by all. Despite the bevy of ladies, he still had time for me. I had no cause to worry. He never gave me a reason to be uncomfortable as he will tease me about the guys who made passes at me.

Dee gave me the best time. The weekend get away's after he's been away for a while. Yes, he always made up for his absence. All who knew us always said "You both are perfect for each other", but those closer to Dee failed to tell me the truth that most of them knew.

Dee is getting married, and i am not his Bride.

What did i fail to see?? Where did i go wrong??

PS: This post isn't about me :D

WITHIN ME

Within my soul burns a passion for excellence.
Of progress and exciting moments.
Within my soul burns a desire to soar
Of achieved goals as dreams unfold.

Within my heart burns a desire for Love
To have, to hold and forever
Within my being, burns my passion for you
Of the ever after happiness pledged.

Within me longs for a new life
The bulge, the pain and the whole change
Within me are fears of the new change
The stories, different from the reality.