12/11/16

Let’s run to a place where only but our passion flows

With no trail or footsteps our soul to find

A place where our love doth grow

And a stage set for our story untold

Of how our silent whispers and giggles

Light up the gloomy skies of a barren heart

Let’s get to this place where we both know

Our comfort zone, the place we call home

Where we speak silence and our hearts understand

No mysteries, just the power of our mind

THE VISITORS

My environment has always been safe to me. 

It was safe the first time the Chief Judge’s House was visited, Followed by a second visit within a short time frame, until he enforced his walls and upgraded his security.  It was still safe when the house down the street got visited and the visitors narrowly escaped.

It was still safe on the evening I walked down and was told of a girl who was nearly raped. You see, my environment had always seemed safe because it happened to others and not me. So yes, my environment was safe until I was visited.

I never thought it will ever be me because of my high walled fence laced with barbed wires. But after the day my security man told me about how he got into the compound despite the barbed wire fence, I realize d that one could only hope that another won’t try it, but it was only a matter of time.

It’s amazing how the visitors were so detailed. They sure knew where things were, and without any doubt, it was apparent that my visitors had visited before in my absence. If not, how did they know the place where I charged my phones? Or how did they know about my neighbor’s jewelry box which sat on her TV stand?

How did they know which dress belonged to who, and used them to block our security light whilst they went about their duty? Or was that just a coincidence??? Incredible!!!!!!!!  

Then to the insensitive ones who you narrate your ordeal to, and the best they come up with is “Oh no!!, you were not sensitive to the Spirit” cuz you were awake at the time they worked but you choose to fall right back to sleep.  In other words, my spirituality is to be questioned.

How can one choose such conclusions over a simple “Oh I’m sorry your house got robbed”??? I’m not even mad at the likes of humans as these. I’m only happy it hasn’t happened to you just yet, and I pray it never happens to you.

Thanks to the visitors, I am now more aware of my environment. I am more worried about walking down home at night as I would freely do. I am more aware of the frenemies within, and the friendly faces I see on the streets.  I am awake now almost every hour, paranoid and shit.

The other day, it rained and I was aware I left my shoes outside. As I would normally do, open the door and go out regardless the time to rescue my shoes, instead I lay awake in guilt knowing that my shoes would be ruined but couldn’t help them because I don’t know if my visitors lurked in the shadows of the dark.

It’s an incident whose memory I want to banish, but it worries me that this actually happened and I am finally awake in my “Safe” environment.

THE OPPORTUNIST

Let me tell you about my dream last night. 

There was a funeral. And I don’t remember whose it was but must have been someone very important because President Obama and Michelle Obama were present. 

As many thronged to get a picture with them, I simply said hello and asked for a picture.  I got my request, even though a dashing young man who was by the president’s side all the time joined the picture and when I asked for a personal picture with the President alone, he declined and I said “I understand Sir” and moved away before Michelle grabbed my arm and said, “Don’t mind him, you’ll get even more than a picture”. 

She took me in her arms as we walked towards the front row being the seat reserved for the POTUS and FLOTUS. Mr President took his seat alongside the young man who was in our picture and the First Lady pulled me and said, let’s leave the gentlemen alone and take several seats toward the back. 

Before we even sat, a lady walked up to me and said, sorry but you shouldn’t be here, and turned to the FLOTUS to greet. Michelle rebuked her with a smile and said, No, she’s with me now and I am fine with her being here.

As the funeral ended and people began moving out of the hall, I spotted my Dad and told Michelle that my Dad is here and she should say hello. She obliged immediately as we found our way to where my dad was and they exchanged pleasantries. Dad said I should follow him as he was going home directly but Michelle said “No that she’ll take me home later and so dad left. 

We were later joined by Obama and this dude who hung unto him like butter to bread, and next thing, I was left alone with the young man.

Yes, we spoke for a while on various topics most of which I can’t remember now because I was swept away by the wholesome package of a man that stood in front of me and we proceeded to grab a quick lunch. 

While we yet ate, he brought out this lovely piece of Diamond ring and asked “if I would Marry Him” and before I could understand what was happening, Michelle was behind me grinning and said “I told you, you will get more than a picture” ….

And I smiled, looked back at the gentleman and said................................

It's beautiful i said as i looked at the glistening rock on my finger. I couldn't believe my eyes. Truly some of us do have "Grace" for friendship but truly, mine was more than friendship. It's a Kill. 

We got up and hugged as he whispered sweet words in my ears. I couldn't contain my excitement as I hugged him more tightly.

I'm yet to give an answer but if you read me, you would know I was sold to the idea of becoming his bride but the motivation to this "Grace for friendship" test lurked somewhere in the shadows waiting for me to break free from my company to accost me for my obvious behavior.

"How could you accept his ring"? That wasn't the plan. 

Somewhat perplexed, I stuttered a bit and then laughed albeit hysterically. I thought we were free to put our Grace to test and bask in the outcome. 

Why do you wear a long face now? 

Did you suddenly wake up on grass?

Honey, but you know you have to say no to him right?

The grass they say is always greener on the other side. But you failed to understand that if you tend to your grass, it will stay green. I think I've found my green grass now and I will tend to it. Thank you for establishing the "Grace for friendship". 

But you barely know him!!. 

Yes, but I do know he's got a name and that was part of your requirement.

He yanked my arm as though the jolt will cause me to snap out of it. But I smiled and broke my arm free from his grip.

BRAVE HEART

Today, i watched me take the blame for something that was entirely not my design. Someone's got to be blamed. And as always, i took the fall. My heart bled. My heart raced. Could it really be my fault?? And if Yes, how do I remedy such dire situation? 

I'm in shock!!! 

The Coast is clear now, once again I'm not to blame. Not my design. Not my fault. But as always, No apologies given. But i am Happy. It wasn't me.

But my heart still bleeds, watching you break into sweat. I see your despair, i sense your fear. I hear your mind saying, how could this be?? I see you frantically seeking answers from those who were to protect you. Amidst all the existing troubles, the storm is raging relentlessly all around. You are strong, you've shown great strength, but i know deep within, this is too much for one Soul.

I wanted to say, "All will be well" but even the words form weakly in my mouth, slipping thru quivering lips. 

I was unsure how you will handle this. But i have learnt from you to dust off every challenging situation with gratitude to God, looking back and counting your blessings. 

To my surprise again, i see what the Lord has indeed done.
I've watched you turn this disaster to a joke. Seen how you've worked it into a Strength. Seen how you've chosen to see only good. 

If the only reason i met you is this, then I am truly grateful for these lessons. 

LIES and BLAMES

Once upon a time in way back 1996 , when simbi was still a baby. I had prayed to God that I will be sent to Air Force Secondary School Jos, so I worked so hard to pass the Exam, and bagged a State recognized result. 

But you see, being born to typical Nigerian Parents, adding that my mum is a teacher, that decision to jet off to Jos alone @ 10 was only in my head as my parents already made the decision of which school I was going to end up in without my consent.

I was sent to the Prestigious FGGC Abuloma, where my sisters were also.  I struggled to find my feet there and stay out of trouble but somehow, trouble always found me and I kept hating each day whilst looking forward to seeing my Dad who was a regular visitor.

It was hard to find my place in a World filled with wide eyed teenagers and my first night saw me watch a senior student open my tin of milk like it belonged to her and i couldn't say a word. 

I performed badly in class as I tried to find a balance in my new environment + the fact I really wanted my parents to pull me out of that school. JSS1 was a trying time for me. 

In JS2, I performed even worse as my grades weren’t impressive judging from my World Class (Fans self) performance from Primary School.  Actually, I had a lot going on in my young head. Emotionally Unstable and Unable to make sense of anything to say the least. 

My concerned mother wondered how her “Star Child” would become this less than average student.  In my innocent mind, I thought that if my grades remained poor,  that my Loving Mother will be convinced to pull me out of that school or even make me a day student so she can keep an eye on me. (LOL, Aba to Ph na beans?)

And then she confronted me, but as a Sharp girl,  I passed the blame.

I wanted to save my head so badly that I made reference to a class mate who bore same name as me and whose surname also began with same letter as mine. I told my mum that my Form teacher mixes my scores with that of this girl. I kept making these stupid excuses about my poor performance that by the end of JS2, my mum slammed me with a shocker.

Nne as can you see, your performance is nothing to write home about.

Me: happy that my wish may be granted and I get to go to a new school (my dream school, Air Force, Jos).

So I have decided that you will repeat the class, so that you can pick up and No, you are not changing schools, but will remain in the same school.

Me: But Mum you can’t do that. I mean it’s not my fault. My Form Teacher…….

Well, that’s the decision, so gear up for the next school year.

I spent my Long Vacation in Agony. I studied harder. Tried to convince my mum why she shouldn’t let me repeat a class talkless in the same school. 

Ah Ah... The Shame, The Pain, Kai!!!!!

Thinking back now, i really feel like i should apologize to this girl who i painted black to save my failing behind. lol. 

I AM ANGRY

Change they say is the only constant thing in Life. Be it anticipated Change or Instant Change, pray your “change” doesn’t come with pain.

Like the woman who has had 6 successful births, and then the 7^th one took her life. How do you explain this Instant Change to her family?

Or the Woman who had waited 10years to conceive, carried her baby to term, only to lose the child upon delivery. How do you explain this instant change?

Once upon a time in 2010, I wrote about my trip to the dentist (Read here ). It was an impacted wisdom tooth and the dentist somehow took out the tooth (non-surgical). I remember I still bled for about a week or more and was in pain. And I swore never to go through this again.

 As much as i thought i was in pain back then, what i have experienced now, if far worse than what i had then.

April 2016, presented me with a mind blowing ache on my Wisdom tooth on the Left side. Yes it was impacted, lying horizontally. Because of the experience from the last extraction, I decided that I was going to use a Government Hospital this time, and that’s how I got to National Hospital on Friday the 8^th. I couldn’t get an appointment because it was late and was asked to come on Monday.  

Friday night became a nightmare, so much that at 4am I was calling the hospital for emergency but being that Saturday the 9^th was Election Day and no movement, I felt so helpless. I frantically started calling different hospitals and got the response of my Life “OUR DENTIST DOESN’T WORK TODAY”.

 In my pain and discomfort, I made calls to friends for referrals etc, I got one in my Estate but getting there, the Dentist wasn’t in town. Spoke with him on the Phone and he asked that I get some pain relief and anti-biotics.

Not Satisfied, I went further till I found a private clinic in my estate and I started calling the number but no one answered. Then luckily, the security man came out and I explained myself to him and he called the Doctor, and voila!!! Help was on the way. 

My Joy was short lived as a lady who appeared to be the secretary came in and I heard her grammar as she was talking with the security guy, next thing she goes inside and changed into her nursing uniform. I told myself that I’m in the wrong place.

Few minutes later, the dentist arrived, and I explained myself to him. He said to me, yea I can do this, but you need to get our card N5, 000, then Consultation N10, 000, and because it is a surgical extraction, It will cost you N50, 000. Then I thought to myself, Babe!!!!!

I was desperate, I was in pain. I was losing my mind.

Then the Dentist that asked me to get the medication called again, he said, don’t take that tooth out until that pain is managed else you may have even bigger problems. 

In my desperation, I got another referral in Garki. Spoke with the guy, and he said, oh you can come. I was happy. But how do I get there since there wasn’t any movement??

I called a friend, who took the risk and came to my rescue, but before he got to me, my uncle called and said I shouldn’t go just anywhere but to go back to National Hospital.  And that was how I made it back to National Hospital and it was still same Advice. “We have to manage this pain” before we can think about the extraction. I was given same prescription as the other dentist did and if by Monday there’s no improvement, then I should come back, but without guarantee that I will be attended to as Monday is their Theater Day. With this now, I went home and commenced Medication. 

But the Pain medication wasn’t helping at all. From Diclofenac, to Zerodol P (Aceclofenac + Paracetamol), to Ibuprofen + Paracetamol, nothing could soothe my pain. So on Monday, I went back to the Hospital. After the examination, I got an xray done, and was asked to wait, in hope that when the surgeons come out from the theater on time, then I might be in luck. Spent my whole day and was told to come back the next day.  And I was told that even though I’ve been booked for Tuesday that it is not a guarantee as it is their “CLINIC Day”. So until they have finished with their patients they had worked on previously, No help for me.

I cried all the way home. But Tuesday Morning, I got there and refused to be let down. By afternoon, One of the nurses called me in and said, you can’t continue waiting, you have to go and come back tomorrow as we can’t attend to you today. I burst out in tears.  Then the nurse who took my folder on Monday, came to me and asked me not to go, that she will get them to see me today. I was happy again.

Finally, my time came. I got called in. and it was show time.

As my jaw dropped open for the local anesthetic to be administered, memories of the time past flooded my consciousness. I cried hysterically and the Surgeons were confused. They asked if I wasn’t ready for this that they could stop at this point. 

I managed to muster, go ahead.   I watched as he put the surgical blade in my mouth and cut. At this point, I shut my eyes. To dislodge the tooth was a lot of work as it took well over an hour and the help of the consultant surgeon before my ordeal was over. Of course I got another shot of the Local anesthetic because at some point I could feel every tug and pull.

1 hour later, I was discharged and ready to go home. But as the local anesthetic wore off, I was in mad pain. I took the ibuprofen + paracetamol every 6 hrs but yet, it was a Joke.

I prayed as much as I could for strength each passing minute. By late evening, I was still bleeding, and I had to bite down on a gauze. I had difficulty swallowing and I couldn’t even eat anything.

Days later, with the pain partly reduced, I discovered I couldn’t open my mouth enough for a spoon to go in. I knew that wasn’t right, and I called the Dentist. I went back on Saturday and was prescribed another antibiotics and different pain medication.

My next appointment for Tuesday was for the stitches to come off. But getting there, i couldn't open up wide enough for them to see anything and we ended up doing Jaw Exercise where wooden spatula's were stacked and forced into my mouth to unlock my jaw. After the session, i was asked to go home and continue with the exercise and come back on Friday. 

 I knew this was no joke as i was hell bent on getting my jaw to open up or else i would have to endure another surgery as i was told. So i did all i could and by Friday, i could open up much more and the stitches came off. 

On Monday, i felt some needle like pain as i open and close my mouth. I immediately knew something wasn't right. I opened my mouth wide enough and looking through my mirror, i spotted a little white piece of bone that was causing the discomfort. I immediately called one of the Doctors who i've been in touch with since my ordeal started to complain and he said, its unlikely to be a Bone as the Bone in the area was taken off during Surgery, but i should watch it a few days but if i was that uncomfortable that i should come back for a review.

By Thursday, no change, and now in more pain, i booked an appointment for Friday. 

I got to the hospital today, and was sent for an Xray, it came back that Truly, that what i saw and felt was indeed What it was. There was a piece of Bone in my Gum. 

Fast forward, they had to numb me again as they had to irrigate the site to get the bone out. What bad news i got was that, they also suspect an onset of Osteomyelitis which they said they had to arrest ASAP. 

I'm back to the Place where i thought i had left behind "PAIN" and "MEDICATIONS". 

I am angry that they could've made such a mistake in the First Place.

I am angry that i have to be on this cocktail of medications again for the next 3 weeks.

I am angry that i have spent the whole month of April in agony

Yes i am angry at the Level of Pain i've been through which i don't deserve.

Above all, I am grateful to be Alive 

ALWAYS ASK + HAPPY NEW MONTH

Happy new month everyone. ... .....  do you see that we are already in February??? How's the new year resolution doing so far?

Well for me, its been very GOOD. That's all i can say.

Something happened in January that made me almost lose my patience. Hence i learned a new lesson "Never to assume that people know what they are doing" .

So the Inverter at work has been making this funny sound and i decided to call the people who sold and installed it for us to send their technician over to check it out.

From the first day we paid these guys for the inverter, their stories were always endless. From the delivery, to the installation etc, professionalism was ZERO. So with this new development, i was skeptical about calling them but went ahead and then .............................

The technician walked in about 10:30am touched the inverter and said it was HOT.

ME: Of course it is hot, its been on and its working. Besides i believe you know why you are here?

HIM: Yes. to service the Inverter. I will need to turn it off (disconnect) for it to cool

ME: That means we won't have light (because the NEPA / GEN lines pass thru the inverter)? And how long is this going to be off?

HIM: 30mins

ME: Ok

(after 30mins)

HIM: I need this to be off till i come back. I have to go somewhere, but i really need this machine to be off for Longer

ME: I  thought you said 30mins? So if you leave when will you be back?

HIM: By 1pm. + can i have transport?

So i gave him 1k

Anyways long story short, this guy leaves, and of course we couldn't get any work whatsoever done for the day. And by 3pm i called him and he said he will be there soon. Called severally and he stopped picking my calls.
2 hours later, he said he will be there before dark. I called the lady who we transacted the buying of the inverter from and she apologized and said she will contact him.

Finally, this idiot arrives by 6:40pm with his  stories, but of course i didn't utter a word to him. So he turns the machine back on, and says, oh, the machine is fine now. You can see the noise has stopped.

ME: Blank stare

5mins later, the noise continues and he says:

HIM: The noise is not that bad again. This Machine needs servicing

at this point, i lost it.

ME: Are you ok? did you just say the Machine needs servicing?? What did you think you came here for? You wasted my whole day and you come back here telling me the obvious?? You must be special kind of dumb. when you came in here, did i not ask you, "I BELIEVE YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE"? and you told me YES. See ehn, i am already angry and pls don't even open your mouth to tell me rubbish

HIM: Ehn, i know you are angry, i am sorry. but i will need to carry the inverter and go to the office. the problem is with the Fan and it needs to be changed. it will cost about 50k to change that.

ME: Just forget about this ok. Don't worry. You can go.

HIM: I will come tomorrow and pick it up.

ME: Better call before coming

HIM: OK. Pls can i have transport to go?

ME: Are you ok? did i not give you transport in the morning? Infact, pls do me a favour, i don't want to see you here again.

HIM: But we are not quarreling naa.

ME: The door is open, pls leave now so i can go home.