RANDOM NOTHINGS

2015 is done...... as in one more day to go ....  As in today is the Last Wednesday, and 2moro is the Last Thursday....... Kimonnnnnnn *moonwalks*

We go into a new year with TGIF..... hehehehehehehehehe........ What a good way to start the new year abi????

So in 2015, i've been called names by guys that i thought both cute and funny......

1. Mummy - this is the worst of it all.... 

2. Aunty - Second worst...... 

3. My Little Woman - This i think is damn so cute 

4. My Future - Holy Cuteness

5. Sweetness - Oh well, i'm sweet Yeah..... bleh

6. Baby - this is as old as time

but in all these cute names, we got to straighten things up and out in 2016 becuz.....

7. Daddy needs a new In-Law *winks*

                                           

Yet again today, same thing that happened to me years ago http://fragilelooks.blogspot.com.ng/2009/11/i-don-fall-my-hand.html , happened again today but thankfully, it was a female Doctor this time around, so NO SHAME.

*TONGUEOUT*

Someone sent me a message that had my attention, and the sincerity in that message had me humbled. Will just drop it here..... :D 

Hey Fragile ,  

Very soon your BBM & inboxes will be inundated with messages from all who seek your attention & even a few who aren't seeking but feel duty bound or lets say, 'courteous enough' to send you the customary Christmas cheer & you will find it tiring to actually read through all the messages & respond appropriately.  

So before that madness drowns out my voice, I wanna take this opportunity to say, you may not know this as a hard fact but you truly added color to my life experience in 2015. 'Meeting' & getting to know you has been not just pleasant but also educating, sometimes inspiring, exasperating (a lot of the time), many times, challenging (in a very good way), but altogether enriching.
And for all these, I can pray (wish) with a depth in my soul, that in this season, you will find peace that boggles the mind, inexplicable favour with God & with man, joy unspeakable with loads of laughter, and the warmth & contentment of being surrounded by love from family & friends.  

Merry Christmas Fragile. 

Your 2016 experience will be filled with so much fulfillment that the downtimes of 2015 will be a distant memory. You are a phenomenal woman. I know you know this but sometimes question it because of some experiences. That's called life & the fact that you actually question the veracity of your awesomeness is what keeps you humble & makes it so.  

This was supposed to be an early Christmas message & is now bordering on a motivational pep talk so imma stop here. =-d

Last Christmas, i swam in gifts, all thanks to my Cousin who made sure i got it all :D ...... Family is sure the best....

This Christmas, Santa forgot my address totally...... Choi.......... but i got a Lovely dress and a Perfume tho. So i am Super Grateful.

So i worried that spending Christmas away from family will be so Horrible that i will Loathe myself + i heard the Town usually is very Dry as lots of people travel.... I even had a panic attack when most of my friends traveled, but truth be told, this has been like every other day and i don't even see the difference. And this is my First Christmas away from Home (Family).

So i have told myself that come 2016, i will take a Picture for each day of the year. I hope i remember to do that.

AND I WILL

What will you be doing on the Last day of 2015??????????????

Well, for me, My Fasting and Praying Continues and Crown it up with the Cross -Over Service in Church.

I FINISHED 

                                       

2015

So the year is slowly creeping to an end and i still remember what happened from the beginning....

January 1st we were in church for a thanksgiving service for my Brother who God has destined that he will live.

January 3rd / 4th, we had that orishirishi drama where my father's sisters as usual came with their foolishness but this time, they got something different.

January 8th, i was back to base and work began.

February 14th, yet again, i had no "valentine" twenty something years in a row.... (Don't cry for me)

February 18th i welcomed my first Baby Boy in 2015 ......

March ............................

April 17th, i welcomed yet another Baby Boy.......................

May......................................

June........................................

July 1st, i Welcomed yet another Baby Boy...................

August.........................................

September, for the first time in my existence, i had a boil in my eye..... That shit had me in pain.

October 1st, i got a year Older.
New friendships were formed.
Some Old friendships reviewed and re-positioned.


November 19th, i welcomed yet another Baby boy

November 22 - 29th, for the 2nd time in my life, i had a withlow............. Nasty stuff :(

November 27th, i Welcomed a Baby Girl

Dec 1st: i wrote a blog post

Dec 11th, work closed officially

Dec 15th, i taught my first class of foundation school


Infact, 2015 has been such a wonderful year that i cant even recount how many times i almost gave up on me.

The pressures were real.
The temptations were realest.
The tears flowed freely. 

But i've managed to stand still, look at my problems and Laugh through my Pain.

But in general, i will say:

• 2015 is my year of Cute Nephews 
• 
  
• 2015, i had better understanding and communication with my Dad.
• 
  
• 2015, i understood the power of my silence. 
• 
  
• 2015, i learned that i am stronger than i think i am
• 
  
• 2015, i made a decision not to allow anyone's opinion of me, make any meaning
• 
  
• 2015, Procrastination almost ruined me
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• 2015, even though i'm still single, i know that i'm willing to share my time and energy
• 
  
• 2015, i made some new friends
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• 2015, i struggled with my faith
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• 2015, i didn't even leave this City
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• 2015, I'm prepared for 2016

EMERGING STRONGER

Just because my mind failed to process these thoughts constructively, i wallowed in my own tears and almost gave into depression..... DEPRESSION!! Naa.... Never again in my life

Dear Fragile, its been tough, but you have dealt with worse REMEMBER????

See how the devil Wanted to rob you off your Joy.... haba!!!

These days, its become so easy to forget the way i've managed to beat all odds over the years and pull out even stronger than i began. Why???? Mba kwa, this is not the Fragile i used to know.

Fragile, you have changed over the years. You've become too emotional. You allow things get to you so easily these days. Its being Human.... I Know.

So this is me, once again reminding myself that 

• I am still stronger than all these emotions trying to wreck me

• I have at some point in life been without direction and resources, but i made it

• I am still very smart despite some poor decisions i made

• I have the ability to be better than my yesterday

• Shying away from certain responsibilities doesn't make me Irresponsible

• My needs and wants are never to be mixed up again

• I have the greatest support system in family

• I should never place priority on people / things above myself

• If i smell a rat, its most definitely a RAT

• Feeling sorry for mistakes made shouldn't be for long

• Catching feelings for a moving train is Death

That being said, HAPPY NEW MONTH EVERYONE. 

TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL

I'm in a very Narrow Space crowded with my emotions seeping deep . 

LOVE, HATE, ANGER, RESENTMENT, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, ........................................

Sometimes i just want it all to end. Sometimes i'm too tired to think straight.

Sometimes i want to give into these pressures, but to what end though?

Every new day comes with its Challenge, Like it just Pours...

Today was a death; Then depression; Then no zeal to even try; Then the quitting Option

The pressures are real, even more real the confusion in my head

Sometimes all we need is that One friend who tries to help you make sense of it all. The one who gives you a listening ear and let you cry on their shoulders. Today like always, my best friend helped me make sense of my state of mind. 

#Grateful 

NO SHAME IN NAKEDNESS??????

No Shame in Nudity is the new world thing abi??? I mean its normal to walk around with little or nothing left to imagine and even posting full Nudes online... Nudity is beautiful???? YES!!!!!

but not until you are among the people like me in life who have a habit of tugging at my clothing's be it long or short *insertsadface*....

I am one of those people (i know i'm not alone..... i know it :P) that will rock my clothes for different purposes.... For example, One time i wore my black top as a Skirt and using the sleeves as a bow in front and even pinned a rose on it. If i don't tell you what i've done, you will most probably not know, and so many other things i've tried with my clothes...

But this incident is about a tube gown i've had for years now which i think looks funny as a gown and thus i decided it should take the place of a skirt. I have worn this Skirt (Gown) severally without any drama's until this Day.... mhhhhhhhh.

That's how i wore my beautiful Skirt this day and noticed it was lose on me, WHY????? A sister has lost some weight again..... *sadface* but never the less and against my better judgement, i went ahead with putting it on and decided that pulling the skirt waist high, and using a belt on the top i was wearing will help keep it in place. It felt right tho and so I Moved out to start my day.

But you see eh, today had a different plan for me as it wasn't even my cloth tugging habit that Shamed me, but my weight loss and the over-confidence i had in the belt.... *weeps*

i had stepped out of the cab that took me to a meeting i was to have with someone this morning, i failed to realise that my Lovely skirt had left my waist low enough to show my butt.... and NO i wasn't even wearing a full pant....

Some boys (aboki's) had just passed me and i was wondering why they were staring as i was trying to pay the cab guy. And i even heard one say "Fine Girl".....

#SadTuesday

DO YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY??

It's beautiful how the thought of you makes me quiver and causes my heart to flutter. I remember the first time i felt this way towards another. It was pure magic, and there was no sense in telling that i wasn't captured in the whirlwind of Love and romance. I was young and un-thinking,  But Mother warned me of that...

The thoughts of you makes me quiver and causes my heart to flutter. And each time we speak, my whole being goes into our communication.

The touch of you makes me shiver, the soft touch of your hands on my skin. The gentleness in every kiss and the over-riding pleasure in every hug that leaves me longing for more. 

How much i wondered, if I'll ever feel this way again... if i'll ever let these feelings Win......

How long it took before your Hello brought me to my knees..... How long its been to get here again.

But how can i say these words, constantly jammed in my head??? How can i bare my soul without words??

Can you read my mind?? 

Can you tell my thoughts?? 

If you do, do you understand me? 

Do you feel same way?? 

I am Older and more careful, but Mother never stops to say "CAUTION". . . . Mother was there in the beginning. Mother knew my pain. Mother knew i was better than that... 

i'm here again, today in my history, my words lodged behind my throat, and my thoughts pausing at every crossroad. . . . But i think you understand, but the Question remains......

DO YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY?

SOCIAL DAMAGE

Just because my life has become such a bore and i have really become way too nice, and also become too soft for the entire world to see through and take a slice of my niceness..... but that's not the problem.

The problem really is that i have failed in so many ways to win these wars in my head. I have failed to see that the humans of the world cannot be trusted let alone be pleased. 

I have come to realize that so many of us think that "WE HAVE FRIENDS", yet in time of immediate need "WE HAVE NO FRIENDS". 

Let me tell you this story of how social media has damaged our lives. How we seek social acceptance rather than self respect. How we have so many friends and yet have no friend. How we belong to eeverybody and nobody. Its unfortunate how we have become damaged without even pausing to see the extent of our damage.

This is a story of someone who has so many friends and no friend; Who was in a situation of helplessness and  no one was around except for THIS FRIEND. In this situation still wanted to capture the moment of helplessness to share with the Many Friends on Social Media to attract Social Sympathy.

Just before the crowd in this market place called the www finishes you, take sometime to think about life before Social media. 

WHEN LOVE HAPPENS

Do you ever meet someone and become immediately convinced that they could be the one??

Well, i bet you have at some point.  And then we gradually lose our sense of reasoning. Jump right straight at the moment. Build castles in the Blue Skies. Write Love stories in the broad horizon of our hearts. We eat, Breathe, think and relieve every moment spent. 

Then gradually, we come to a realization that we should have taken it slow. We begin to see those crooked lines that appeared so perfect. We look ahead and project the future, where our "immediate the one" doesn't even fit into our lives. We sometimes hate that we didn't think it all over, but we will remember the moments and sometime smile, while hating those friends who knew but said nothing.

Well, i met Dawson on a day that all my senses took a vacation. His brilliant smile left me in a trance and his Hello left me singing "HE TOUCHED ME".... Dee as i would come to call him was all shades of cute and i knew that my senses won't be back from its vacation for a long time. We talked a little and exchanged numbers and parted ways.

We talked daily henceforth, had random dates and everything about us seemed all perfect. I couldn't believe that i would come to have this whole package of awesomeness who always found a way to feed my expectations of him. He was gentle, He was Fun, He had and air of excellence around him. He was Open, fearless and great all round. I mused of how Loving our home will be if we remained happily ever after. I thought about how amazing our kids would be and what a great father he will turn out to be.

We both knew about our daily lives. We ran our days to do list by each other and always followed up to know progress. If this isn't Love then, i really don't know.

My Dee is the King of friends, Male and Female alike. He is Loved by all. Despite the bevy of ladies, he still had time for me. I had no cause to worry. He never gave me a reason to be uncomfortable as he will tease me about the guys who made passes at me.

Dee gave me the best time. The weekend get away's after he's been away for a while. Yes, he always made up for his absence. All who knew us always said "You both are perfect for each other", but those closer to Dee failed to tell me the truth that most of them knew.

Dee is getting married, and i am not his Bride.

What did i fail to see?? Where did i go wrong??

PS: This post isn't about me :D

WITHIN ME

Within my soul burns a passion for excellence.
Of progress and exciting moments.
Within my soul burns a desire to soar
Of achieved goals as dreams unfold.

Within my heart burns a desire for Love
To have, to hold and forever
Within my being, burns my passion for you
Of the ever after happiness pledged.

Within me longs for a new life
The bulge, the pain and the whole change
Within me are fears of the new change
The stories, different from the reality.

LET ME ENTERTAIN YOU

let me entertain you with my tears
that flow from self pity
the knowing that most things done, are wrong, yet the thought that it doesn't count.

let me entertain you with my fears
that nothing good comes from me,
that everything step i take meets yet another stumbling block.

let me entertain you with my pride
when wounded, makes me rage like wild fire
the lessons i learn sometimes laced with regret.

let me entertain you with my doubt
that no one is out there with any good intentions
but daily encounters have yet to prove me otherwise

let me entertain you with my weakness
the life of i can always do it later
the stolen drive, passion and will to accomplish 

let me entertain you with my strength
the milestones achieved yet unnoticed
the voice in my head that says, you just did it.

let me entertain you with my smile
that mask the pain within my soul
the hope that someday everything will be just fine

let me entertain you with my words
that consciousness to always speak right
the swallowed words voiced in my head

let me entertain you with my love
the crazy emotions that paints a perfect picture
that reality of it that can't be described

MUSINGS

I Love Musing. The beauty of the colourful images, painted in the mind of the one who thinks "OH, I'VE FOUND LOVE" in the most likely place. 

Reminiscing about every detail of the time spent in the past, down to the present. 

The gushing of the heart, that causes your soul to quiver. 

SO BEAUTIFUL were these thoughts in her mind. Even more Beautiful were the Words spoken in the heat of passion. 

THE HEART IS SO DECEITFUL. 

The perfect song for the late night Karaoke. "LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME". That Flirty Smile and the Power packed show of affection,  displayed, at the expense of making others present feel that tinge of jealousy of how SWEET YOUR LOVE IS. 

THE HEART REMAINS DECEITFUL.

You don't know, the beauty of the future, ''ÓUR FUTURE" perfectly painted and sealed in the web of my emotions. 

THE HEART, THE SEAT OF DECEPTION.