HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

It struck me like the lightening(BOREDOM),and i pick my handbag with the excuse of going to pick some stuff... And zoom, i ran off to calabar yesterday. Oh, i'v missed you for a month plus.

In one night, I touched almost all the places i love the most&the people i wanted to see, cuz something tells me,THIS JOURNEY MIGHT BE CUT SHORT.

My aunt calls today, saying "I KNOW U'RE BORED, HENCE THE TRIP". Truth!!!, damn truth.
Then again, she says the sweetest thing ever.
AN ALL EXPENSE PAID TRIP WITH THE G.FAMILY. they're xpecting you.
DID I HEAR WELL???
THIS MITE JUST BE THE P-U-R-R-FECT B.DAY GIFT.

The G.FAMILY is made up of a blunt,funloving,funky father. A petit,quiet, but very insightful mother. Lovely grown up kids,male&female alike. And a host of exciting relations.
NOW, whether my pops likes it or not, My journey has just begun.
THEN AGAIN,i smell a RAT.

"CRAZY" heard about my trip,and now,it's the both of us.
CRAZY is my mad cousin whom i have nothing in common with,xcept for a bad nail bitting habit we got from our Great-grand mum. She leaves nothing but trouble where ever she goes. SHE'S SIMPLY CALLED "BAD NEWS". Evri1 knows. HOW CAN I HANDLE HER ON THIS???
I'l sure write about her after this trip.

Its my B.DAY tomorrow,and here's my line up:

DRESS CODE: (GREEN-WHITE-GREEN). SOME HOURS IN CHURCH. THE SALON. MINI SHOPPIN. And anything else that comes up.
FBI,Wants to hang out with me. FBI(FEMALE BODY INSPECTOR)&CRAZY, Are the worst COMBO amongst all my cousins. DISASTER COMBO.

A potential boyfriend material called a week b4 to announce his arrival, and...

ME: Cool. I'll be here.

Don't i just love my AUNT. Dude i'm sorry.
I'm not giving up this weekend trip for anything in the world.
My whole mind's on it.

I din't see it coming...

I'm God's delight.
I'm best alive.
I'm God's own child.
So broad i smile.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
:-) ;-).

FAMILY!!! CAN U RUN FROM IT???

These are not the best times, to be in my FATHER'S HOUSE. Come to think of it, WHEN HAS???
Ok,yeah, i admit. There has been some good but.....

Dad's non-chalancy kips digging up old memories/scars i've been long tryna kill.*sobs*. MY HEART SIMPLY ACHES.

Thank goodness to some level of Understanding my siblings and I have. One day, THESE TIMES, will be 4eva past.

MUM&DAD,Maybe are not meant to be 2geda afterall. I'v always nutured this emotion since i was 5/6years of age.And i know,its true. BUT WATEVA BROUGHT THEM 2GEDA??? ARE THEY STILL 2GEDA BECUZ OF US??? Truth is,these 2 adults here,living under the same roof, have no RELATIONSHIP WHATSOÉVER and these days,more than ever b4,seem to get on each other's nerves.

MUM spends more time in CHURCH these days. And DAD,on a peace mission that leaves the FAMILY in DANGER. I tot family always came first or is mine from VENUS.

Wen i left home last year, i said i wasn't going back there. But as the saying goes, "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME". So i came back. Its been a month plus, but never a day without ISSUES.

I feel like i'm carrying a load thatz too heavy for me. I'v nowhere to go, so i'm down on my KNEES.
I read that portion of the Bible"MARK 11:23-24". Thrèe things struck me.
1)PRAY.

2)BELIEVE.

3)RECIEVE.
This is a trial of FAITH. GOD, let thy will be done.

In a couple of days(4days), i'l be +1,
+positive change, + new phase, + no going back, +over you, +MARY J(NO MORE DRAMA),Had enof for 2009. +1 new language(FRENCH OR SPANISH), +100% HENCE FORTH.

SO HELP ME GOD.

WOULD YOU TELL A TOTAL STRANGER BECAUSE HE'S A "PRIEST"?

She couldn't stay, and off she ran to church... ... ... ...!!!!

CONFESSION:

SHE: Father 4gve me for i have sinned. *quiet**

PRIEST: Go On....

SHE: This is my first confession since i was... ... Um ehm em em em.

U know wot FATHER, i can't tell you anymore. I don't trust you.
Infact, you tell me! D'u fantasize abt the women in ur congregation????

I bet u'l neva tell that to a total STRANGER like me. So WHY do i ave to TRUST you with my WORDS.

So she carries her guilt and shame&weeps al the way HOME,Broken - Spirited.

NOBODY KNOWS YOUR SECRETS,UNTIL YOU SHARE THEM, ITS NO LONGER CALLED A SECRET BUT "SHARED KNOWLEDGE".

JUST ANOTHER DAY.

Today, i felt like eating èvriting and at the same time NOTHING. Feels funny though. Dunno,jst don't know.

Had a DAYMARE this mid-morning but thanks to my phone for waking me up. I din't wanna see the end neways.

So,i feel like piercing my EAR again or my NOSE & Getting a HAIR CUT or CHANGING MY HAIR COLOUR. Wateva, just a new look.

Mum,please, would you stop complaining about everything and nothing. I'm kinda sick of these. I nid the same attention you seek OK.

And so,everybody misses "THE NOISE", Even the LAZY DOG. We play the songs he loves and cry out "GO WEB"... ... His famous SPIDER DANCE.
Its funny how i feel about THE NOISE being away. WHAT IF IT WERE MY OWN CHILD? Mhhhhhh. Just wöndering.

A former colleague calls me today,and reads a note on one of our numerous mischiefs,and i laughed my lungs out.

Back in those days, i Admit,mischief was my thing. Once made a video of my A.M,who had a habit of touching HIMSELF. That,would have cost me my job. Or that of my MANAGER... In an awkward position. Thanks to my photographic memory,it still plays in my head.

I miss working and can't wait to start again. I'm in dire need of a JOB. But evritin, jst seems to drag. Mscheeww. But i'm HOPEFUL.

I'VE GOT A FRIEND......

Well, he could be my Father in my next world, but right here and now, more than anybody else... ... Except God, He knows me so Well.

He's my ANTI-DEPRESSANT.
And my MOOD ENHANCER.
He knows when it PINCHES.
And my LISTENING EAR.

Despite all my acts, he just smiles at me and says "BABY, U GOTA GROW". WISH I COULD, BUT I CAN'T KEEP PROTECTING YOU 4EVA.

LIVE LIFE.

WORRY LESS.

U'RE YOUNG,SMART AND GORGEOUS.

NOTHING IS WORTH DYING FOR.

And with dese words, i'm ready to face the world.
Ok, i'v known him for 4years now&i'm more than glad that he's there, to watch me GROW.

He watched me struggle with my first breakup,alongside family issues. Just wen i tot to give up on me,... ... ... HE SHOWED UP.
He always says, OPEN UR HEART TO LOVE ALWAYS. IN THIS BUSINESS, LEARN TO FASTEN UR SEATBELT.

Almst 2yrs after, i had the funniest Relatnshp eva. Dis dude, patiently prayed,for my breakup wif my first so i decided to play him 4 it.
For almost a year, all we did was Talk on the PHONE. And when he decides to show up in NIJA, I KNEW DAT WAS THE END. Cuz truth is, i neva wanted anyone close.
I WAS STILL EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE.
Jst as God wil have it,he gave me a good reason to JUSTIFY MY LEAVING.

WOT A RELIEF........
No love lost, cuz he moved on and we'r still friends. Thank gøodness.

And almost 2years after or yeah 2years(2009), i was ready to love again and ... ... ... ...


LOVE EXISTS. It hasn't just found you/u haven't found it, doesn't mean it's not dere.

Oops, my DAD just turned off my room light, a habit he has since i was a kid. LOVE??? I miss the tucking in part. Mcheewww.


These MOSQUITOES, Beta let me be or ,... We'r gonna tarry all nite cuz u ain't getin no juice off me.

SQUITOESSS STOP THE HYMN PLS.

PERIODS, VOICELESS....

And so, i hate dat time in an ADULT WOMAN'S life wen u ave to bleed for days. I'v neva got a hang of it. It always drags me down and i hate it.

Funny thing, if it's not dere, U go outa ya mind looking for it. LOL.
I JUST HATE PERIODS. Bt fantasize about having sex when its dere.
MESSY MESSY THING.

I haven't been to church in... ... .,. ... Rily cnt remember the last time. i'm nt proud of it doh.

L8ly, i'v bn having erratic heart beats, skip skap skop STOP. It leaves me light headed and injuriously agressive. But FOCUSED i'l stay and LIVE I WILL.

I could DIE,
I could LIVE.
I could sink beneath this WAVE, But
My choice determines my STRENGTH.

But,if i DIE before i WAKE,
Weep not world for it's my FATE.
Look back and remember me for these THINGS....
I CAME, SMILED AT YOU,& I'M GONE.
But if i'm awake by DAWN,... ...
Hold my hands, SMILE YOUR BEST,....
Cuz i'm here for YOU.

Here,i am today, thinking of SWEET NOTHING. D house feels so quiet. D noise is gone. He left yesterday for school.
Well, "THE NOISE" is my last brother who always leaves us wondering wot he's got in his SMALL SKULL.
I bet i went to all the schools i did based on my parents decisions. I'v neva had a voice neways and sometimes even now.
So THE NOISE, takes his own decision and no one can change that. I bet my DAD finally met his MATCH.

My BOOBS HURT(bt dnt mind a massage).

I feel BLOATED.

I'm TOUCHY.

Fill like THROWING UP.

Bt my STOMACH,doesn't hurt. Thank Goodness.

SUMMARY OF MY 1ST 8 MONTHS.....

Here comes

JANUARY:
WORK: Occupied by work. Loving my job the more,and doing it all rite.
RELATIONSHIP: None at all. Jst takin it as it is. Bt a feeling dat i mite start one. Its bn almst 2 years.

So it was all abt my job. JANUARY.


FEBRUARY:
Here it is, hating my job, after asking for permisn to attend my best friend's pop's burial& was landed a new target. Tried to meet up, bt overworkd my skinny arse and BROKEDOWN.

RLATNSHP: OK, sumtn's brewing with a young dude,whom witout even,........, i fell in love with. I was willing to let myslf flow with d tide. Sumtn to ease up with afta WORK.

MARCH:
Tried to kip up with my job but i knw not like i did b4. Going to work became UNINTRESTING, And i hated d begining of each week.

LOVE: Oh, wot it does to you..... Wantd 2 spend my all days,wit my CHARMING PRINCE, Bt DISTANCE + WORK, (Of couse,work. If nt no chop). Made do with d wkends we happen to see and the Phone calls. mchéeewww

APRIL:
I was less, productive at work and dat was bcuz i wanted to. It got worse, and my guilty conscience din't help me one bit, so i decided to up my Game.

LOVE:
HONEY HONEY, HOW HE THRILLS ME, A HA.
HONEY HONEY.
HONEY HONEY, HOW HE KILLS ME , A HA.
HONEY HONEY.
I WANTED TO KNOW SOME MORE..........

ARE U 4 REAL......? I Always thot.
Work got better though.

MAY:
Work has improvd a lil bit. Less pressure frøm superiors. Oops, evritn's falling in place.

LOVE: Rlatnshp meltdown. I feel it, bt choose to ignore it. I WAS IN LOVE and din't wana c d glaring signs.

It came, a'las.
It crashed.
I was devastated.
I wantd answers.
I got none.
Evritn went blank.

LOVE SUCKS AIT? Messes wit ur head big time.


JUNE:
Work suffered more and more. Evritn was bleak. Couldn't concentrate, just couldn't.

PERSÖNAL LIFE: LOST weight, cldnt eat for weeks. Became more a shadow of myslf. DAMN IT. al bcuz of LOVE. I became agressive, hated evritn around me. CRIED almost evri nite. Bt dis too will pass.

JULY:
WORK, i hated so much now. Jst went dere cuz i had to. Counting my days to leave d job 4 a while. To tink tings tru in my head. And dere it came, bt UGLY.

LIFE: MY heart, kinda played a trick on me. Went on admission in a hospital. Bt dis wasn't the kinda break i needed away from work. This was worse than work. I was in pains and yes ALL BECUZ OF LOVE.

The DOCTOR tried to talk me out of it.

My MUM did too.

So did my DAD.

Did i listen? Yeah i did. I startd to get ova it big time.

YES, I'VE BEEN BROKEN HEARTED.

BLUE, SINCE THE DAY WE PARTED.

WHY, WHY, DID WE EVA LET GO.

MY , MY,.....
I SHOULD JUST HAVE LET YOU GO.


AUGUST:
FREE from work a'las. More time to focus and tink things thru.
Took a one week trip outside my ZONE. Yeah, it did help.


My best friend came visiting and told me stuff dat brought tears to my eyes.
I realizd hear anger. Bcuz of dis DUDE, Our friendship swayed and even her MOTHER, Complaind.

SHE BLURTD OUT: I HATE HIM 4 WOT HE DID TO YOU.

ME: I HAVEN'T GIVEN MYSLF A REASON TO HATE HIM.

So, she travels back,and i tot about our discussion and yeah rite. WAS HE WORTH OUR SEPERATION? DAMN. W'eve come a long way( 1996-2009). And jst a 3months FLASH, Almost ruined dat. NEVA AGAIN WIL I LET THAT HAPPEN.

I'm back home to see my family. And ave an urge to see him again.
WOT AM I DOING???

I WAS ANGRY AND SAD, WHEN I KNEW WE WERE THRU.
I CAN'T COUNT ALL THE TIMES I HAVE CRIED OVER YOU.

LOOK AT ME NOW...
WILL I EVER LEARN,
I DON'T KNW HOW...
BUT I SUDDENLY LOSE CONTRO-O-O-L,.....
THERE'S A FIRE WITHIN MY SOUL.

JUST ONE LOOK,(met him at my sista's place)
AND I CAN HEAR A BELL RING.
ONE MORE LOOK,

AND I FORGET EVERYTHING.


SO, some days ago, i go to see him, and..

DOT DOT DOT.


S-E-P-T-E-M-B-E-R.

HAPI NW MONTH.