EVER FAITHFUL GOD

I cannot begin to say all he has done....... i will probably spend eternity still counting the blessings of God upon my life and family. Ever Faithful even in my Unfaithfulness.

I turned 26 this year with much more responsibilities than i can ever imagine, but God has been faithful.

I turned 26 the same day my sister had her traditional marriage. It was the awesomest day ever.... My God shut all ill speakers up, as we merried, laughed, danced and had and awesomely fantastic day. OCT 1ST 2012, will not be forgotten in a very long while.

I seem to have had some wrong turns @ 26. Reminds me of 23 & 24 but with a different mindset. 25 came too easy, like a flash.... but i like 26 cuz the lessons of life became more clearer.

LIVE, LOVE, FORGIVE...................

 

More than before, i've come to realize how truly beautiful i am. Not in a vain way, but because ive come to appreciate the WORK OF ART God made me Inside and Out.

 

I need not any man telling me "Wow, you are Beautiful".... NO. I walk with the consciousness that God specially made me beautiful and placed in me a compassionate heart, which is in itself more beautiful than my outward appearance.

 

@ 19+, i always had a daily confession..... i said to myself every chance i got "I AM BEAUTIFUL", but it took 26, to really help me understand that it wasnt about my outward appearance but what i carry on the inside.

 

@ 26, i'm letting myself get schooled on Patience and Tolerance, and so far..... its been a great lesson, especially with a Man who totally and is patiently helping me through this phase. He has been all kinds of AWESOME, even when i push him to the extreme. Taking his last Name...........*smiles*

 

Life had dished its Up's and Downs. i may have struggled, battled emotions, wept, cursed, blamed, taken it anyhow............

 

BUT,

 

@ 26, the year of the Word of God, I UNDERSTOOD.

 

 

 

HAPPY WEEKEND

 



MY FATHER'S WIFE IS GETTING MARRIED

This is not a Love story, but a story about Love.

I remember my inquisitive self, sneaking into the Girls Dorm of my Father's House.

That Room hosted a lot of females of different shapes and sizes, different skin colours (toned and bleached, LOL) and all in different degrees of love.

Some made mistakes, Some infatuated, Some Obsessive, Some Confused.

But in all these lot, there was One that stood out. One that marred my childhood, but still the One that this story is about.... MY FATHER'S WIFE.

She was the Queen of Hints and Hearts Magazine (sorry if you don't about those Magazines). She helped me never miss an edition as it was like a daily devotional for her. She was a hopeless romantic, a lover at heart and head, and had everything good going for her, even with the Boyfriend who loved her through distance and flooded her with sweet timeless love letters that blew my young mind away.

He was going to marry her. They were gonna be together, and nothing would stop that.

It was so, until she became my Father's Wife.

I felt sorry for her. I hated her, but I wished her well, though i knew her madness with my Father wouldn't last long.

Few Years down the line, true to my predictions, it was so. She had to leave. Her time was up.

So, Perhaps i wasn't the only one that felt it was the end of the road for her.

A single mother with My Brother and Sister. If my Father did anything about them, i have no knowledge of it, but i can remember the rejected gifts we had sent at sometime.

She probably didn't want anything from us, but she has somethings that belong to us.

She has my Sister and my Brother, and no matter what, they are Family.

She picked her pieces together perhaps. i heard she went back to school, got a part time job and is curently or has just finished her NYSC (things going well huh?).

When a Guy Loves a Woman, no matter what must have transpired, he will love her regardless.

I was almost in tears (of Joy though), Happy and felt all mushy some days ago when i heard, "MY FATHER'S WIFE IS GETTING MARRIED". True Love! O' True Love!!

MY FATHER'S WIFE IS GETTING MARRIED to the man whose Love letters blew my young heart away. A man who despite all odds, decides to come for his True Love (MY FATHER'S WIFE).

I HOPE SHE HAS A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE, AND

YES,

I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST HER.

If i get an invite, SURE, I will be there for her wedding.

DISTRACTIONS

As sure as the morning rising,
the beams of the ray, illuminating our hearts.
Of Hope to see, with the setting of the sun.........
its sure our Love, forever burns.

the months turned years we've spent apart.....
i yearned, i cried, sometimes i'm sad...
Of Hope to see with the settting sun...
there comes a light, a dazzling star....

O star, that shone and dazzled right....
that star so fierce, i can't deny...
we danced and raced, in the pouring rain....
so wrong the things i'l never say......

GOOD SATURDAY

As i walked in the Doors of the Gym, a girl who was working out gave me the look that says it all "What the *H*F* You think u're looking for here?" Fear wan grip me, but i smiled and greeted her nicely. :D

So i spend almost 5 hours on the Ping Pong table and i feel so very alive. Haven't indulged in the game in a long while and i worked it with my left hand pretty well. Now i look forward to more saturdays like today.

Since June,i know i have grown so much Spiritually and its been one level of Glory to another, and lots of testimonies. The Word of God is Totally Dependable, for all Life's Situations.
I Love Jesus, He is Totally Awesome. And all through this week, i've felt so much more alive with the Spiritual Training.....

The Love of Christ is new every morning and the Word of God is Life.

Jesus Christ, the same Yesterday, Today and Forever...

Take out time to Pray and Thank God for all he has done, and the much more he will do.



Selah

MEN DO NOT HELP WOMEN

I'm Home Sick........... like wanna be with my Family like right now.... *wipes tears*. Life in the city is sweet, but there is no place like home..... :(.............. but the Grace of God has been sufficient for me especially in these days on heigthened insecurity in Abj.

I've been somewhat besides myself with worry . . . . . . which i find rather disgusting....
My rent is due next month, and i have to cough out 400 000..... plus other pressing personal needs....

NOTHING GOES FOR NOTHING................ MEN DO NOT HELP WOMEN

So i go to see someone to give me a Reference Letter and somewhat got stuck as i had to help with some of his work activities for the day. I stayed cuz i really had nothing else to do that day, and he even offered to drop me @ home.

On reaching my gate, the man asked that i kiss him,and i'm like Say What?????? He said, afterall i deserve it.... Don't I??? Besides, the car is tinted and no one can see you........

Anger welled up in me immediately........... becuz you bought me Lunch or the Reference you are yet to give me, or becuz you dropped me @ home???? How stupid men really are??

HIV TEST / RANDOM BOYS

So no matter how good you have been or how faithful you are Or have been, ............. the thought of a HIV test always makes your heart skip 5 beats (lol)....................

Some weeks ago, i wasn't feeling too good and i was stooling like mad and my stomach was sore.....
I CRY if i don't eat and when i do, its WORSE. I knew i had no choice than to go to the hospital and run some tests.....
So, the day i came for my results, i was told that they had also run some tests i did not ask them to do......

Being that i had once worked in a hospital (laboratory section), i am used to hearing such........ And in my head, my heart summer saulted a million times.........and stopped............ #dead# lol

So, Slowly, i opened the envelop which contained my test results, and with the last straw of courage, unfolded the paper, and quickly scanned the entire page in 1 Sec and i ............................................

If you wanna know the feeling.............................. GO GET TESTED.............. :D

I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH PEPTIC ULCER........... AND O.......... THAT SHIT IS A BITCH.........


SO on the Random Boys Note... My cousins decided to play "hook me up" with guys..... its a long list but i will talk about one..................... and i will call him, the ABUJA MAN.......

So, this is the handwork of my cousin "CRAZY", who has been in the business of giving my number out to random guys....
So she says, he's a single, born again Christian, well to do guy, who needs a good girl for a wife. He happened to see my picture with her and he wanted to see me.

After much calls and all, i decided to see the face behind the voice.......
As we sat down on that sunny Sunday afternoon, in the struggle (for me), to get to know you ish...... i remained silent and let him do a lot a talking while i listened. And as the conversation went on, he said, he din't like girls that wear Weavon's (human hair, brazillian hair, etc), that its DEMONIC. And that girls shouldn't be making up etc......... and i'm like WTH. Where is it written that weavon's are Demonic biko??? #patience running thin#. And he goes on to say, how Girls who dress anyhow (short clothings) are prostitutes etc... and the one that got me mad was:::

AM(ABUJA MAN) : Can you tell me why that girl sitting alone behind you?
ME: Maybe she is waiting for someone, or just finished having her meal and is just chilling.....
AM: NO, that is what they do... She is a Harlot
ME: ( Confusion sets in)
AM: That's what they do, they will pretend as if they are waiting for someone and all the crap that came falling out of his mouth. he goes on to recount a tale of his encounter with one, and all what not......
ME: I became impatient and begged to leave

So as we left and he decided to drop me off, he still carried on yapping as we drove past some girls on the Lazy Sunday, just walking around.... He continued with;
AM: See them..... HARLOTS..... That's how they go sleeping  around for Money..... PROSTITUTES..... i hate them.... i just hate them......SLUTS......

As i tried to even stop all the name callings, i knew i was in for a long thing.......... So i asked him

ME: Have you ever slept with a girl that is not your GF?
AM: Yes
ME: Then you are also a HARLOT...
AM: #Shocked#, why would you say that??
ME: Because that's what it makes you too.

i was so mad, and i asked if he could just stop the car...... and as he did, i flagged the next available KEKE NAPEP, and that was the END......

My Stomach felt alright for so long, and just yesterday, i skipped meals and ate corn, it felt like someone was using a Grater to Grate my inside........... smh

For your bedroom accessories please visit : www.bedandbeyond.gnbo.com.ng and also for your Ankara Fashion Accessories (earrings, bangles, slippers, bags etc), check out www.facebook.com/UyaiByPeniel.....

Y'all have a blessed week

ON LOVE AND LONG DISTANCE + 1 YEAR

So my very own Best friend thinks a Long Distance relationships is not a healthy choice for me cuz she says “When i get to meet the person finally that i might just change my mind (ZERO TOLERANCE)..... or its a means for me to escape the reality / giving all of me (safer with the distance) or being vulnerable in a relationship.

My cousin’s are working very hard to see they get me a boyfriend on ground buh.... all in vain (not interested)


I can be a piece of work, and i know it... I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I WANT WHAT I WANT, AND I HAVE WHAT I WANT.


Well, relationship is a relationship to me, whether Distant or Close. And of a truth, it has majorly been the story of my life, that way i’m neither brutally heartbroken or fall to pieces when it all goes sour.:)



Once upon a time in my life, i met a certain someone and we became friends, all was well with our friendship which blossomed despite his endless challenges. And we decided to do the dating thing (LONG DISTANCE), And i figured out that, as much as the heart wants what it wants (the feel of having someone), there are some things that should not be ignored..... Months down the line, i was drained and wanted out. Its so easy opting out of a LD Arrangement, infact its just Perfect.... :D


You will have long endless thoughts and even dream of meeting with your LD boyfriend (see previous post www.fragilelooks.blogspot.com/2010/04/in-my-deams), there are some real exciting moments and there are also the ugly head days, but what you decide to make of it, ............ NA U SABI.


True Love finds you, through distance or otherwise, and today, I AM TOTALLY OVERWHELMED as it marks 1 year with my Boo, and it just still feels like yesterday.
Has it been TRYING / CHALLENGING??? Emphatically YES.... But on this journey, i am most comfortable, and every inch at ease.


So i tell my best friend, my experience so far, and she’s happy and all, but she says “TILL YOU SPEND TIME WITH HIM IN NAIJA, AND STILL SAY THESE, THEN I’LL KNOW YOU ARE SERIOUS” (LMSAO).


Are there Distractions? YES.(Fine boys with flowing cash) :D

Are there people there trying to discourage you? YES (people who don't undestand it)

Are there nights when all you need is a HUG but all you get is a CALL?? YES (after a hard day @ work)

Are there days, when you ask yourself, if you are Ok? YES (after u must have turned a lonley girls dream down)

Are there times (misunderstandings), when you just wanna throw in the towel?? YES


Some have called it Infatuation, some say its a waste of time, others say i'm just shying away from relationships., whadever, I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I WANT WHAT I WANT, AND I HAVE WHAT I WANT.

being in a LD relationship = being hopeful


One Year and Happy........ H.A.P.P.Y.

#purplemelodies

Fragile

HAPPY EASTER

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE................ IN THE ABSENCE OF WHAT TO BLOG ABOUT.............. E-HUGS

GOOD/NICE GIRL DON'T EXIST NO MORE

Officially, i kiss being LIL MISS GOOD/NICE GIRL, away and turning on the no-nonsense Radar on full blast. Thats the much i can take and the height of it all. If after reading this post, u choose to judge me, well, good for you..... I am the kinda girl, who will go an extra mile to make sure i give the best of me (be it time or money) to someone just to put a smile on their faces. Most times, however inconveniencing it may be, i still do it while consoling myself that its not me who has put in that capacity in me but GOD. I met a girl in my church sometime last year, and my fist encounter with her wasn't so pleasant. She asked me for a certain amount of money and i told her i don't have the said amount but i will see how i can help. And there went my peace, as this girl called the battery life out of my cell as though i was owing her and that if i don't want to give her the money, i should just tell her.#seeattitude#. Finally when i met her in church again, i cautioned her about the calls and gave her at least 75% of the said sum and told her that was all i have. A week later, she started with calls again asking for the balance of the money.... like WTF???? 2012, with all the pressures that it has presented me with, both from work and with my finances being stretched, i have been working long extra hours to score extra bucks to keep body and soul together. Not complaining cuz the Grace of God has been sufficient. This same girl,came asking me if she could stay with me for a while (since late 2011)till she gets her own place.. So i inquired about where she was before, and she gave me the story of how she had problems with her sister where she was living and her sister asked her to move out et all. Why won't you have problems with your attitide??? So i asked her how she intends to get a place and pay for it when she has no job??? Abuja with the crazy cost of accomodation.... I explained to her and gave her reasons why she can't stay with me. 1. My younger sister lives with me 2.My house is like a transit INN for family members passing by. 3. She doesn't have a job and keeping her means carrying her cost. If you think this is not good enough reason, then I DUNNO...... With all these, she still wont stop with all the calls and messages, plaguing my cell and also running my battery dead. A few weeks ago, while i was in a workshop in Niger state, she started with the calls and i sent her a message, that i'm away AND IF THERE'S A PROBLEM SHE SHLD SEND ME A TEXT RATHER THAN THE CALLS. And she replied me saying "SHE KNOWS I'M IN ABUJA", thereby calling me a liar to my face. The height of it all was last night, by midnight when the same girl turns up at my door, banging and flashing torchlight, playing songs on her phone and throwing things at me in my own room, as i was struggling to sleep with the heat. The annoying thing about it all was, this girl was in church cuz of the outreach meeting we had and never said she was coming to my place. Secondly, we left church by 8:30pm, so between the hours of 8:30 - 12am, where was she? I don't know whether to call her Psychotic or Possessed, but trust me, her action earned a hot slap today... that was a total disrespect of privacy......

JUST ON THE RANDOM

When the Thought to KILL comes to your mind, SUPPRESS it the Best way you can, or else you may just find out how so easy it is to do it.(Current State of Mind). 2012 with pressures for time as well as money........ Dealing with both as TIME = MONEY. I often times find myself lost in space, consumed by my own thoughts and last night, a more dangerous thought to KILL.. . . . . . . Anger, Boiling Hot......Thanks to Distance. Dear Lord, I'm sorry for i know i have sinned.Teach me to contain my anger which is just one Alphabet away fom DANGER. #angermanagement# Locked my boss out of the office yesterday, and prayed to God to step down his anger before i meet him, and he answered me...... a typical BAD day gone GOOD As difficult as it has been for me to make this commitment thing, i still find myself enraged by some actions and hence transfered agressions and the ultimate question of "WHY GET MARRIED ANYWAYS"? but then again, i shouldn't let people's experiences be the judge of something i haven't even ventured into. #makeyour'swork# An ex boyfriend's been calling and making sweet nothing talks about what was etc, as much as i have tried to be nice and not rude about it all, something tells me that he's up to no good. #i'msureheneedsaloan#, i'll probably use u for rituals cuz i need money too. When your Fart sends u running, something's not just right.... :D......#timeforsomeorangesandlotsofwater# What do u do on weekends??? if not for my church activities, i would love to spend the time in my office.. The weekend tip always does good. #pocketmoney# MEN love SKIRTS, as much as that still stands, SKIRTS now CHASE MEN. Imagine a lil 19 year old Rat pointing to her VG saying, i have what it takes.... #decencyoutathewindow21stCentury# RIP is such a sad phrase........ it feels like salt on an open wound.... #Godknowswhy# Happy Weekend y'all.

RANDOM NOTHINGS

Rating me recently, i've come to realize that i don't have a work-life balance. i recently went through my contract letter and i've come to ask myself the question, "WHAT DID YOU SIGN UP FOR"?? since forever, i've been working long hours and i must say, it has taken a toll on me.I am tired, physically and mentally. i am tired and i want out. but the bigger qestion is "OUT TO WHERE"? I am tired............... so very tired. Another question......"IF I WAS MARRIED, WILL I STILL BE AT THIS JOB"? Hell no.... i wanna have time for my husband........... i wanna be there for my kids....... if u at this point, thinking i'm subscribing to the full time stay at home wife, NO WAY....... but 'm subscribing to a job with better flexible hours and if that includes CIVIL SERVICE,........HELL NO............. I hate black heads, they hurt so much. Very much overated... BB. o, come on BB,. You are not ob BB. if only u were on BB............. GREAT LIE. So i got the BB, and its still like an occassional thing, wen u have the time, u ping and chat...... but i like it, as its easier to stay in touch wiv my sisters, shikena. On Lies, Cheats, and Love........ the 3 work hand in hand..... call them triplets. YES Some weeks ago, i checked into a hospital cuz my stress level was high, and after counselling by the kind hearted Doctor, the advice i got .......was to go and get married....... WHAT A RECOMMENDATION... So its leap year, and going by the old irish tradition of leap year proposals, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Did i mention that CIVIL SERVANTS ARE LOUSY???? This post is just as a result of the boredom that has ensued fom sitting down at a boring conference with LOUSY SERVANTS,. . . . . . . some HIDIOT is tapping my wifi and facing book.... y'all have a beautiful week.

DIARY OF A CONFUSED PERFECTIONIST

Everything is not Black and White. There are a variety of different colours........... Take a look at the Rainbow.


Dancing Around, with naked thoughts of a better Life..............
Self Psyched to take a Plunge...................
A trickled thought of Obvious Circumstances...................
A crippled zeal....................... Slowly,.......... fizzled out..........
It Died...................Dead................Circumstances, Perception............
And it Died,

Admiration for Success.............
Testimonies of those, who crossed the Bridge...
The Difference : Perseverance, Faith, Blindeye for Distractions.........
Obviously, they had seen the end from the Begining


MOTIVATION..........BUILD UP..........


What's your Story?
What's your excuse for Failure????
what have you Left Behind to be remembered with???

INTROSPECT

Sitting in dark shadows,

a sneak peak through the windows of my soul............

a certain cloud

of Uncertanity, masked in a thin ray of hope........

Fresh tears,........... Frozen on my cheeks..

A cold awakening..............

A voice lost in the wind.................

Echo.................. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The World has gone mad again.

19/01/12